That Certain Thing

1
Maggie Kelly always told
 her husband where to 
 go. One day he went 
there - - leaving her a
widow.

    . . . Aggie Herring

2
"Molly - hurry up!
 You'll be late for
       work!"

3
Molly Kelly inherited her
 father's entire estate,
 consisting of two kids
and her mother.
         . . . VIOLA DANA

4
"Molly, it's rent day -
 don't forget to leave
    me some money."

5
"Oh, Molly, if you'd only
 marry that conductor,
 we could live like
    millionaires."

6
"Listen, ma - when I
 marry, it'll be a real
 millionaire -- not a
 street-car conductor."

7
"A conductor's wife
 ain't to be sneezed
 at - - think of the
    free rides."

8
"Molly, I'm crazy about 
         you."

9
"Well, when I go crazy,
 too - - we'll get
      married."

10 [3rd and 4th lines 
   appear after a pause]
The Stratford Hotel,
  where Molly worked -
 when the boss was
     watching.

11
"Give me a box of 
 your most expensive 
      cigars."

12
"You must be a 
  millionaire."

13
"I'm not, but I work for
 one - Mr. A. B. Charles,
 who owns all the A.B.C.
      restaurants."

14
"Give him my love."

15
A. B. Charles believed 
  that over-eating was
  dangerous - that's how
he made a fortune running
restaurants.

       . . . Burr McIntosh

16
"Report has come to me
 that Restaurant Number
 65 is cutting the ham
       too thick."

17
"Remember the secret
 of my success -- --
  cut the ham thin!"

18
A. B. Charles, Jr.
  loved his father so
  dearly, he was 
always drinking to his 
health.

     . . . Ralph Graves

19
"Well, I put one over
   on the old crab."

20
"You don't know, Perkins,
 how I love that dear
   old dad of mine."

21
"Confetti! Why, dad -
 you've been out on a 
       party!"

22
"You're going to work!
 Be here at five o'clock
 and I'll decide which
 restaurant you'll start
           in."

23
At the end of a
 perfecto day .....

24
"Well, Miss High-Hat,
 did you meet your
 millionaire today?"

25
"Don't worry - I may
 bump into him any 
       minute."

26
"I hope you don't
    feel hurt."

27
"Why don't you blow
 your horn when you
 come to a crossing?"

28
"Here's your handkerchief."

29
"Keep it - - and blow
   your brains out!"

30
"Your ankle looks
 swollen - can you
 support yourself?"

31
"Yes, and a mother and
  two kids, besides."

32
"I'll be back at eight -
 and wear your dancing 
        shoes."

33
"Be sure and blow 
 the horn real loud -
  so I'll hear you."

34
"I'm just borrowing
 these for tonight --"

35
"Can I borrow a dress 
    for tonight?"

36
"Ma - I've met my
   millionaire!"

37
"Oh, what a grand car!
 It must be one of them 
       new Fords."

38
"Wait - - I want the
 neighbors to get an
      eye-full."

39
"Where'd yuh hire the 
       hearse?"

40
"My, you look 
  marvelous!"

41
"Oh, it's just a little 
 costume I threw
     together."

42
"Hey, Molly, don't forget
   your roller-skates!"

43
"Shall we dance?"

44
"No, let's sit this 
      one out."

45
"Happy?"

46
"Perfectly!"

47
"Let's get married."

48
"When?"

49
"Tonight!"

50 [small type]
"All right!"

51
"- ma, we're married -
 and I'm mad about 
        him!"

52
"Molly married her
   millionaire!"

53
"It's silks an' satins
 I'll be havin' - an' a
 mahogany wash-tub -"

54
"I thought you'd left
 me, darling - - don't
  ever do that again."

55
"Charge everything to
 my father, A. B. Charles."

56
"Your father has heard
 of your marriage. He
 has sent me to say
 that he is through
     with you."

57
"He refuses to pay your
 bills. Everything you
 bought today will have
      to go back."

58
"Not a cent! You married 
 her - now support her!"

59
"You can't take that
   off her back!"

60
"I'm sure your father
 would forgive you,
 if you'd get rid of
    that girl - -"

61
"Your father is convinced
 that you are the
 victim of a clever gold-
     digger - -"

62
"You tell my father I
 don't want his money
 or his advice! Now
       get out!"

63
"Gold-digger!"

64
"There must be a curse
 on us - poor husbands
 seem to run in our
       family."

65
"Don't say a word
 against him - I left
 him for his own
    good - -"

66
"- besides, I love him."

67
"Why did you leave me?"

68
"I left you because you
   haven't any money."

69
"Your father is right.
 I'm just a gold-digger."

70
"Do you think I want
 to live in a dump like
  this all my life?"

71
"How would you like 
 to wash those dishes
 and bathe a couple 
  of kids every day?"

72
"If I wanted to marry
 for love -- this is the
     man I'd take!"

73
"Please go. I never want
    to see you again!"

74
"Beat it, bozo."

75
A real man will
   support his wife -
   even if he has to
   go to work.

76
"Mike, this is my
     husband."

77
"Can't you give him
 a job? Look - he's 
      strong."

78
"Work hard, and I'll
 bring you the best
 lunch you ever had."

79
"Lead me to that job!"

80
"You're fired - beat it!"

81
"I've got a hunch I'm
    going to quit."

82
"The boss is all wet."

83
"The food at those A.B.C.
 dumps is terrible. I'll
 bet they use a razor 
   to cut their ham."

84
"Now that's what I call
      a sandwich!"

85
"Say, you'd pay fifty
 cents for a lunch with
 sandwiches like that,
     wouldn't you?"

86
"You said a mouthful!"

87
"I quit."

88
"I've got an idea that's
    worth a fortune!"

89 [animated text grows from
    small type to large]
"BOX LUNCHES!"

90
Going into business is
 like marriage - the
 man gets the idea
but the woman runs it.

91
"You've spent all our
 money for equipment - 
 now we can't meet the 
       payroll!"

92
"If we can hold out a
 week longer, we'll be
   on easy street!"

93
"A.B.C. receipts have
 fallen off fifty per-
 cent! Explain that,
      will you?"

94
"It's that Molly Box
 Lunch Company, sir -
 if I were you, I'd buy
 them out before they
      ruin you."

95
"Buy them out h--l!
 I'll stamp them out!"

96
"I'm the bookkeeper."

97
"Are you still married
 to that gold-digger?"

98
"How much business 
  do they do here?"

99
"They sell fifty thousand
 lunches a day -- they're
 talking about buying your
 restaurants to use for
      store-rooms!"

100
"It just breaks my heart,
 dad, but they'll have
 you out of business in
      six months."

101
"Where's the proprietor?
   I'll buy them out."

102
"The old man wants
 to buy us out - we'll
  stick him plenty!"

103
"This gentleman wants
 to talk business with
          you."

104
"I'm A. B. Charles, the
   restaurant king."

105
"I'm Molly, the box-
 lunch queen. Take
   off your hat."

106
"I'll give you five
 thousand dollars for
     this place."

107
"That wouldn't pay
 my bookkeeper's
      salary."

108
"How much do you 
      want?"

109
"Ten thousand dollars."

110
"HOW MUCH?"

111 [animated; text shakes]
"ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND 
      DOLLARS!"

112
"Young woman, you're
 crazy. I can reproduce
 this plant for a fraction
       of that."

113
"But you can't reproduce 
 'the sandwich with a 
        secret'!"

114
"I'll give you twenty-five 
    thousand dollars."

115
"This is my last offer -
 fifty thousand dollars -
   take it or leave it."

116
"The day's receipts,
 ma'am - - sixteen
     thousand."

117
"Don't annoy me with
  that small change."

118 [small type]
"Don't let her bluff 
      you, dad."

119
"You win. I'll meet your
 price, and I'll make my
 son general manager."

120
"Is your son any good?"

121
"He's my son, isn't he?"

122
"Young man, I'm going 
 to give you another 
       chance."

123
"Well, dad, I hope you
 didn't let her bluff you."

124
"Say, if you'd only
 married a girl like
 her - I'd give another
  hundred thousand."

125
"What is the secret of
   your sandwiches?"

126
"Cut the ham - thick!"


The
  End


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