Stage Struck

1
The greatest actress
   of all time --

2
No rôle too difficult
    -- each a triumph
adding new lustre to a
name already glorious--

3
A beauty dazzling all 
eyes -- an art moving
millions by its magic --

4
The crowned heads of
Europe in rivalry to
render fitting honors --

5
Each new whim of
attire accepted by
the world of elegance
as fashion's decree --

6
Rivals who come 
to scoff remain
 but to adore --

7
The costliest viands to
 tempt a capricious
   appetite --

8
Power and wealth for the 
 choosing, but a heart
that remains ever true
to the manly choice of
an humble girlhood.

9
While he, as true as 
 steel, devotes his life
to preserving her natural,
 yet exquisite tastes.

10
"There is but one thing
 I long for -- just a simple
 stack of wheat-cakes!"

11
"To those who add a glamor
 to living -- to those whose
 beauty is more than that of
 other women -- to those who
 command our laughter, our tears,
 our dreams -- to actresses!"

12
"Wait!"

13
"You shall forget there
 is any actress in the
     world but me!"

14
"See -- I am Salome!"

15
"Hey, Jenny! Vake up!"

16
GLORIA SWANSON
      as
Jenny Hagen, whose
dreams were all of
triumphs as an actress, and
whose life was all long hours
and poor pay in a cheap 
restaurant.

17
"Day dreamin' don't vait
   on no customers!"

18
Mrs. Wagner, the cashier.

19
Tiny, the hard-working
   daughter.

20
"Here, what's the idea
 -- glass beads in my
        soup --"

21
"Whatcha expect for a
  nickle? Di'monds?"

22
"Mister, I wouldn't lose
 them beads for the
 world -- Orme gave
    'em to me!"

23
To Wagner, Orme Wilson
 was only a window dis-
play .... to Jenny he was a
genius.

		... Lawrence Gray

24
Orme was the object of
Jenny's secret adoration.
Some day she hoped to get a
smile from him. So far, the
best she had done was get a 
laugh.

25
"Sister, give us another
  set of wheat-cakes."

26
"Here, Mouse -- chaperon
 this griddle while I get some
          batter."

27
A hungry mob, trying 
to get fed before the 
factory whistle blows.

28
"I just did it to be funny."

29
"Just for dis you get no
 salary dis week neider!"

30
All Jenny's ambitions were
  for Orme -- to have
him own a restaurant -- to
have him as her boss!

31
Orme worshipped actresses
 of every kind and shape
-- with all the fervor of a
young man who has never
met one.

32
"Yeh, Mouse --?"

33
"I-i-is your wash ready?"

34
"Tell that laundry to send
 me a bill. I haven't had
   one in two months."

35
"Real pals, actresses are --"

36
"No bunk about them --"

37
"They know a thing or 
        two!"

38
"It's the Show Boat! Oh,
 boy -- maybe they got
 some new actresses this
        season!"

39
"Say, Mouse, Wagner
 wants me to shell the
 peas. Be a good kid
 and help me out --"

40
The reason Orme never
 got a laundry bill.

41
"Flea, it must be great
 when you really get to
 be an actress....an' have
 a fella put your picture
 on his wall .... an' run
  down to meet you ...."

42
"What do you suppose
 he'll say when he finds
 out I'm an actress too?"

43
"Just think of it, Flea!
 Only five dollars --
 and we'll have a
 diploma to prove it to 
        him!"

44
For forty summers the
 Water Queen, a float-
ing theatre, had played the 
towns up and down the Ohio
River, its actors changing often
-- its plays, hardly ever.

45
Waldo Buck, the owner
 and manager, thought
pretty well of his troupe --
but a darn sight more of his
drum.

		... Ford Sterling

46
"And now for the big
 surprise -- our new
  leading lady --"

47
"-- Miss Lillian Lyons,
 from New York, London
      and Paris!"

48
Miss Lillian Lyons.

 .... Gertrude Astor

49
"Step right up, boys,
 and meet Miss Lyons."

50
While Orme was looking
 over the actresses on
the show-boat, Jenny was
preparing to take her place
among the greatest exponents
of the theatrical art.

51
"Flea!!"

52
"I guess we'll have to wait
     for that diploma."

53
Orme's shirt had cost
 two dollars .... the
one Jenny bought to take
its place cost five.

54
"Yeh, Mouse -- my
 laundry come yet?"

55
"Say, that laundry makes
 old shirts look new --
 you ought to send your
  stuff there, Mouse."

56
"Where you going,
      Orme?"

57
"Oh, I just got a little
 date ... with the leading
 lady of the boat-show."

58
"You oughta see her --
 she's the Duke's mixture!"

59
"You poor sap -- I could
 have broken it myself!"

60
"Tell Orme dere's a
 lady vidout -- who
   just came in."

61
"You're as clumsy as a 
 left-handed cobbler!"

62
"Will you tell Mr. Orme
 that I'm not used to
      waiting?"

63
"Jenny, did you tell Orme
 dat a lady who is vidout
 is tired of being vidout it?"

64
"Orme!"

65
"I -- I cut my finger."

66
"You poor kid -- better
 let me run some water
        on it."

67
"I can't shell the peas
 now -- you'll have to
        help."

68
"Shucks! Just when I
 had a date, too --"

69
"Sorry I kept you waiting
 -- but I had something
  important to tie up."

70
"Was she mad 'cause
 you couldn't keep your 
       date?"

71
"Aw, that don't make no
 difference. I'll see her
    tomorrow anyway."

72
"Do you know what that
 means -- just two peas 
      in a pod?"

73
"Courtship!"

74
"Orme .... are you going
 to the picnic? I think
 we'd have a grand time!"

75
"Yes, I'll have a grand
 time -- turning over
 wheat-cakes to keep 'em
 from getting sunburned."

76
"I'll be there to help you."

77
"You're some helper. And
 Jenny .... I bet you cut
 your finger on purpose."

78
All's fair in love and war,
    and Jenny was not
unwilling to take lessons from
the enemy ....

79
On the day of the New
  Martinsville annual
picnic, one look at the
crowd convinced Orme
that he was indeed in for
a "grand time."

80
"Gee whiz, Mouse! You
 look like an accident
 going somewheres to
       happen!"

81
"I just did it to be funny."

82
"You're about as funny
     as a murder."

83
"If that actress can do it,
 I don't see why I can't."

84
"But you're not an actress
 .... I don't like you like
          that."

85
Among actresses, two is
    good morning -- but
three is good night!

86
"This is Jenny Hagen --
 the best little waitress in
     my restaurant."

87
"Yes -- Orme and me
 work in the same place."

88
"I'm not in the habit of
   meeting waitresses."

89
"Oh, I see -- she eats
   in the Automat."

90
"I didn't come here to be
        insulted."

91
"Step right up and get
 your tickets -- don't be
 backward about coming
       forward."

92
"Same old Buck .... he
 thinks more of that drum
 than most men do of 
    their wives."

93
"Did you ever love anything
 better than anything else in
        the world?"

94
"Yes -- my Orme."

95
"Not my arm -- my
      Orme!"

96
"Does he fall for actresses?"

97
"Yes .... Of course, I'm an
 actress myself -- only I've
 never had a chance to 
        show it."

98
"Say, I've got an idea! If
 you want to go on the
 stage, I'll put you on --
 but you must keep it a
      dead secret."

99
A few days later, all New
 Martinsville was roused
to curiosity by an announce-
ment from Buck.

100
"We're looking pretty
 swell these days, Jenny!"

101
"Wonder who this local
       star is?"

102
"I gotta box for Saturday
 night .... for me an' you, 
          Mouse."

103
"I'm sorry, but I've got
 a engagement Saturday
         night."

104
"Who's your engagement 
        with?"

105
"It's a secret -- but you'll
        find out."

106
Saturday night -- and
 the whole town
turned out to solve the
mystery of the local star.

107
A tribute to Buck's
 advertising -- an
excursion from the next
town.

108
"A picture of Little Eva
 -- sold you by her own
 hands - - for only ten
        cents!"

109
"On stage, everybody!"

110
"Beautiful -- but I have
     a better idea."

111
"You'll wear this stocking
 over your head and be
 that celebrated performer, 
  the Masked Marvel."

112
"But I wanted Orme to
       see me!"

113
"No, first comes the boxing
 bout. You're to let the
 other lady knock you out
 -- she won't hurt you --
 then you get up, take off
 your mask, and recite your
          piece."

114
Orme wondered where
 Jenny was -- and
even more, who had
brought her there.

115
"Mister, I don't want to
 fight her -- she'll kill
           me!"

116
"Sure, she understands
 -- she'll let you knock
 her out in the first
        round."

117
"First of all, let me intro-
 duce to you the world's
 greatest interpreters of
   Uncle Tom's Cabin."

118
"And now, Ladies and
 Gentlemen, before the
 regular performance
 begins, I have a big
  surprise for you --"

119
"-- A Ladies' Boxing Bout
 - - in which the two
 peerless champions of
 their sex will engage in a 
 terrific struggle for athletic
      supremacy --"

120
"Introducing the Lady
 Champion of the Ohio
 River -- Kid Bellows."

121
"Introducing your local
 challenger, the Masked
       Marvel --"

122
"Throw her out the
 window -- and don't
  open the window!"

123
"Jenny!"

124
"The day is done,
    and the darkness
 Falls from the wings
             of night...."

125
"I see the lights 
          of the village 
 Gleam through the
  rain and the mist --"

126
"And a feeling of 
    sadness comes o'er me
 That my soul cannot resist."

127
"I see the lights of the village --"

128
"Orme! Don't let her
      kill me!"

129
"Jenny -- what are you
 doing on that stage?"

130
"I just did it to be funny."

131
"Throw her out the
 window -- and don't
  open the window!"

132
"What's the matter with
 you? This is a dignified
      perfession!"

133
"Where's she gone?"

134
"If I get my hands on 
         her --"

135
"-- I'll show her she can't
  make a fool out of me!"

136
"I've done everything I
 could.... it's no use....
   nobody loves me...."

137
"My God -- she jumped 
    in the river!"

138
"She jumped in the river --
     Man overboard!"

139 [small type]
"Jenny!"

140
"Jenny!"

141
"Jenny!"

142 [small type]
"Here I am."

143
"What did you do it 
       for?"

144
"B-b-b-because I thought
 you liked a-a-a-actresses!"

145
"You darn fool, do
 you think I'd marry an
      actress?"

146
"Fat chance you'd have,
    you big hick!"

147
"Do you think this is
 any way to treat me, 
      Jenny --"

148
"-- when I'm saving up 
 so's we can be married
 and have a lunch wagon
     all our own?"

149
"You don't care anything
        about me."

150
"Shut up, Mouse! I love
          you!"

151
"Oh, Lord, give strength
   unto her trousers."

152
Waldo Buck's prayer was
 answered ... and so
was Jenny's.

THE END


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