The Son-of-a-Gun!

1
Oh, the punchers all are happy
            when the round-up's over!
They're a-fixin' for to dance
            until the roosters crow!
So tune up yore fiddles--
            give us "Ole Dog Rover"--
For ever'body's primpin'
            on the ole Bar-O!

2
"Old Man" Brown, owner
of the Bar-O Ranch.
        -A. E. WHITTING

3
Mother Brown.
 -MRS. A. E. WHITTING

4
May Brown, idol of 
the O-Bar.
      -JOY LEWIS

5
"Buddy" Brown, the kid
of the ranch.
         -PAUL WILLIS

6
"Aw hurry up, sis! We'll
 be late for the dance!"

7
"Buck" Saunders, foreman 
of the Bar-O.
         -FRED CHURCH

8
"Dancin' is all right, but
 yuh gotta git tuned up
 fer it first."

9
"Sody pop!"

10
"That stuff'll rot boots!"

11
"Treat yore stomick
 to a man's drink!"

12
"Drink up -- then we'll
 go turn a card."

13
"That Son-of-a-Gun's
 outside!"

14
The Son-of-a-Gun.
     -G. M. ANDERSON

15
"Everybody up
 to the bar."

16
"'Pears like someone's kind
 o' hard o' hearin'!"

17
"You-all ain't sore,
 are yuh?"

18
"What's that kid
 a-doin' in here?"

19
"I brought him in --
 he's all right."

20
"Well, move him out! I
 ain't a-drinkin' with kids!"

21
"He ain't a-drinkin' with you--
 he's a-drinkin' with me!"

22
"Well, if he don't
 drink, I don't drink!"

23
"I don't bar no one but year-
 lin's from my parties, an' I
 don't reckon you'd pass fer one."

24
"O' course, if it's a gun-play
 you're a-beggin' fer--"

25
"'Pears like we're
 missin' somethin'."

26
"My sister's giving this dance
 an' you can't come in."

27
"You can't come in, I
 tell you! This is for
 respectable folks!"

28
"I am Deacon Perkins."

29
"-- -- and we want
 you to get out!"

30
"Never mind what you
 want. What I want is
 less talkin' an' more
 dancin'!"

31
"Well, nobody kin treat
 my friends that-away."

32
"You're welcome to stay;
 but you won't need these."

33
"Just make yourself
 at home."

34
"I might have expected
 this -- from you!"

35
"Boys of the Bar-O!
 Come here!"

36
"Do you reckon yore
 friends'll mind if I
 leave, miss?"

37
"I'm sorry--awfully sorry."

38
"I ain't hurt none yet--but
 do yuh figger it's safe to
 take the front trail out?"

39
The following morning, the
irate citizens of Placerville
appeal to the sheriff.

40
"He's a bad influence
 on our growin' boys."

41
"If you cain't jail him fer
 what he done, then run
 him out o' town."

42
"Bill, we-all figgers Placer
 County could sort o'
 struggle along without you."

43
"Meanin' you-all would
 admire to have me
 vamoos, I reckon."

44
"That ain't but half of it.
 We aim to escort yuh
 as fer as the border."

45
"Here's a little keepsake
 fer yuh, sheriff."

46
"-- an' yonder's yore new
 range, Bill. Pinto County's
 sure welcome to yuh!"

47
"If yuh ever come back, an
 even hundred goes to the
 man that shoots yuh out
 o' yore saddle."

48
"I aims to come back when
 I feels inclined; an' whoever
 comes a-gunnin' fer me better
 draw quick, 'cause I ain't none
 too slow myse'f."

49
In its day, Red Butte
had known many an
untamed gunman, but
none as wild as--

50
"Bein' as this is my new
 range, I just drops in to
 git acquainted!"

51
"They's two good reasons
 why folks treats me nice.
 These is those!"

52
"I only knows one way to
 argue--an' this is that!"

53
"When I takes on a
 cargo o' red licker,
 I'm a howlin' wolf!"

54
"But when I'm sober, I'm a
 cooin' dove, a wooly lamb
 an' a shrinkin' violet."

55
"Now that we're interduced
 all proper, everybody up to
 the bar!"

56
"I'm mighty easy to git along
 with--when I has my way!"

57
"This ain't no stick-up! I just
 wants a few words with the
 foreman o' this outfit."

58
"Double-deck Harry," proprietor
of the Wildcat.
           -FRANK WHITSON

59
"I hears yore games
 is mos'ly crooked."

60
"An' so before I sets in, I
 aims to read you-all the
 rules I plays by!"

61
"Chamber one --

62
-- says: Keep yore hands
on top o' the table where
I can see 'em!"

63
"Chamber two --

64
-- enumerates as follows:
Always deal from the top
-- one card at a time!"

65
"Chambers three,
four an' five --

66
-- says: When I wins,
you pays me prompt
an' cheerful!"

67
"Them rules wasn't wrote by 
 Hoyle--they was writ by me.
 Now gimme a stack o' chips."

68
"Take this over to Red
 Butte with a drove o'
 three-year-olds."

69
In Red Butte.

70
"Yore pappy shore must 'a'
 needed money bad to sell
 prime cattle out o' season
 this-away."

71
"I'd like to stop at the Wildcat
 a minute to see a friend."

72
"Sure, I'll give you half--if
 you get him to play."

73
"You got a bill o' sale for
 that cattle. Now mind
 your own business."

74
"Anyone but that Bar-O
 kid wouldn't matter: listen
 to this."

75
"This is a stick-up!"

76
"Git up here, kid! I'm
 a-takin' you-all home!"

77
"Nobody's takin' me home!
 I go when I get ready!"

78
"Gimme every dime you
 buzzards taken off o'
 this yearlin'!"

79
"Dig, I tell yuh!"

80
"It's wu'th the money to be rid
 of him. Placer County's shore
 welcome to him!"

81
"That son-of-a-gun is back
 in Placer -- wild-eyed an'
 headed fer the Bar-O!"

82
"I sort o' persuaded them
 coyotes they didn't need
 yore money, kid."

83
"One mistake don't mean
 nothin', but --"

84
"-- -- an' when yuh git to
 millin around with booze
 an' gamblin, yore a-ridin'
 hell-bent fer a bad end"

85
"You fired that shot
 too soon, Brown."

86
"Git up an' tell yore daddy
 what you told me."

87
"They ain't no harm in
 mistakes, Brown."

88
"The harm lays in
 rememberin' 'em."

89
"Would you-all mind
 a-finishin' that there
 tune yeu was a-playin'?"

90
"Sheriff, I calls that
 damn purty."

91
Oh, dyin' was easy, for livin' was hard.
Ye died for a word, or the turn of a card.
Ye died for a woman. Ye died for a pard.
Which last was, I'm thinkin', the best.

Ye rustled a hoss and got hung for the same.
Ye stuck up a stage, and ye kept your good name
If the sign where they buried ye said: "He
    died game",
That made 'em forgive all the rest.


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