The Show Off

1 
For one hundred and
fifty years Philadel-
phia has been an arena
for the deeds of great
      Americans.

2
Around the feet of 
 William Penn now
swarm the Commercial
Giants of the modern
        age.

3
Among the thousands is 
  Aubrey Piper - our
Mr. Piper of the Penn-
sylvania Railroad, in his
own mind the most
important man in that
 great organization.

4
"Another outburst like 
that, and you'll laugh 
yourself right out of 
    this office."

5
"Now maybe you'll
learn this is an office
- not a bird-house!"

6
"I'm helping to raffle
  off a car for our
 Widows and Orphans
        Fund."

7
"I always consider the 
widows - God bless 'em
- but I wouldn't know 
what to do with any 
     more cars."

8
"The lucky girl is Amy 
Fisher - - you've heard
of them, of course - the
Fishers of Germantown."

9
"A radiant gem for 
 a radiant girl!"

10
"A mere trifle - you 
know. I'm the head
of a department, with
thirty clerks under 
        me."

11
However, Amy's parents
are not "The Fishers
of Germantown" .... they
scarcely know how to 
get there on a trolley.

12
"Hello, Joe! Bet you
  didn't know your
  mother asked me 
 over for dinner!"

13
"Is that another 
   new dress?"

14
"It was on sale at
Strawbridge's. Only
twenty-two sixty-four."

15
"I see! You've asked
that Show-Off over
 to dinner again."

16
"No, Mom - he's not
coming until after 
      dinner."

17
"Thank Heaven for 
that! He eats more
than he talks, if such 
a thing is possible!"

18
"A trifle early but
always welcome -
eh? The pride of
old West Philly!"

19
"Just a little social call.
   Never too busy to 
 visit the home folks."

20
"All washed up, and 
signed on the dotted 
       line!"

21
"Aubrey, have you 
had your dinner?"

22
  "Sorry, but I have a
 dinner engagement with
our Vice-President. We're
  closing a big deal 
       tonight."

23
"However and notwith-
standing - if you insist,
  I might be able to 
     postpone it."

24
"How could I turn 
 down the little 
mother's cooking?"

25
"Put another leaf in 
the table .... the big
one - he needs plenty 
     of room."

26
"Sorry, old man, I can't be
with you this evening.
We can take up that 
big freight movement 
in the morning, just 
      as well."

27
"He's the head of 
a department, with
thirty clerks under 
       him!"

28
"If that windbag has
thirty clerks under
him they work on
the floor below."

29
"Here's a letter for Joe
- maybe I'd better see 
  if it's important."

30
"Bad news, son?"

31
"I've invented a new 
kind of paint. When
applied to metal it
prevents rust, but the
steel companies can't 
     see it."

32
Three hours of work
  in his basement
laboratory gives Joe
    a new idea.

33
"I've found it, Pop - just
what it needs. But I'd
have to demonstrate it,
and that would take at
least a thousand dollars."

34
"Little Sweetheart, when
I take you to that cozy
  bungalow I've been
   speaking about -"

35
"- I'll build a music nook 
for you. The wife of a 
railroad official should
 have a pipe-organ in 
    her house -"

36
"- and sunken bath tubs,
a little stretch of green
lawn, and a tennis
court ... I look splendid
  in white trousers!"

37
"Aubrey, you're
  wonderful!"

38
"Quit pussyfootin' around
that door, listenin' to
  what's none of your 
       business!"

39
"Clara, you work near
the station - - is that
Aubrey fellow the head 
    of anything?"

40
"He's only a thirty dollar 
a week clerk, like the
rest. The boys call him
  Carnation Charlie."

41
"He's been in there
giving her a line of
talk about sunken
bungalows and pipe
     organs!"

42
"The only organ she'll
 ever hear will be a 
    mouth organ!"

43
"I guess Amy'll be
 getting married 
  pretty soon."

44
"Who do you think 
  she'll marry?"

45
"I've talked to her till
I'm blue in the face,
but I guess she loves
 that big bluffer."

46
"Suppose we let the
folks in on the good 
news - sign 'em up on 
  the dotted line!"

47
"How about a little drink 
 of that rare old Fisher 
          water?"

48
"That lamp has set on
this table for twenty
years, and it's going
to set there as long
     as I live."

49
"'Blushing she gave it,
     looking down
At her feet so bare, and
     her tattered gown.'"

50
"Am I right or wrong,
      Pop Corn?"

51
"Keep your damn 
hands to yourself!
I never saw such 
a pest in my life!"

52
"Tell that Pennsylvania
Railroad if he's got to
bray like that, to go
down to the stockyards
  where he belongs."

53
"'The boy rode off
with many a laugh,
and many a back-
ward bow.'"

54
"That's a nice way Pop
treated Aubrey. I was
never so mortified in
       my life!"

55
"Then let the blather-
skite stop his silly
talk and quit slapping
       people!"

56
  "You won't have a 
 chance to insult him 
much longer. I'll marry
him now just for spite!"

57
A month passed before 
   Amy married him,
but not until after the
ceremony did she ob-
tain a glimpse of the
wonderful love-nest.

58
"Of course, this is only 
temporary, till certain
 big deals go through.
  Then -- prepare ye
   mansions, oh my
        heart!"

59
"I'm afraid there's no 
 use, Pop. I haven't
 the money to make 
 a demonstration."

60
"Do you think you
could do it with 
      this?"

61
"Why - where'd you
      get it?"

62
"It's the money your
Ma and me saved to
pay off the debt on 
    the home."

63
"My health ain't what it 
used to be, son. Some
day you'll have to take
care of Mom - an' this
is your chance for 
  bigger things."

64
"Maybe we'd better 
not tell Mom about it
just yet ... she might
  not understand."

65
After a month's waiting 
   for some of Mr. 
Piper's big deals to go
     through ...

66
"Amy, I ought to have 
a new suit. You know
the boys at the office
look to me for their
       styles."

67
"But we can't afford it,
dear. The rent is past
due, and it would cost
us more money if we
    had to move."

68
"Well, I'm tired of this 
place, anyway - - it's
 beginning to depress 
         me."

69
"By the way, Amy - while
we're getting settled, I'll
bet the folks would love
 to have us drop in on
 them for a few days."

70
"Oh, no, Aubrey - my
pride - Oh! I just
     couldn't!"

71
"Why not? Pop would be
glad to have me come 
in and cheer him up."

72
Two days of fruitless 
 house hunting brings
Amy, like a tired child,
 back to her mother.

73
"We've got to move.
I've walked until my
feet ache, but I can't
 find a bungalow we
     can afford."

74
"A bungalow on thirty
dollars a week! I'll bet
that's Aubrey's idea."

75
"He says he wants a 
place with a sun dial 
  and a fountain."

76
"Well, Lady Jane, if I
don't miss my guess
you're both on the
streets this very
     minute!"

77
"You're my child, and
I've got to take you in,
but warn that laughing 
 hyena he'll have to
  change his ways!"

78
"I'm looking for the 
 winning number on 
 the auto raffle."

79
"You've won the 
      car!"

80
"Aren't you happy?"

81
"I'd be happier if
  someone had won 
it who really needs a
       car."

82
"Tell the little mother
to dust off the coon-
skin coat. We're going 
      motoring!"

83
"You've heard me 
speak of my uncle 
George Stitch, haven't
        you?"

84
"He left me some shares 
in an automobile factory
and I've cashed them
in for a beautiful touring
         car."

85
"Aubrey has bought 
    a new car."

86
"What with? He'd better
be thinking of something 
to eat and a place to 
        sleep."

87
"I used to drive in 
  the Vanderbilt 
    Cup races."

88
"I'm accustomed to 
driving motors with 
  a gear-shift!"

89
"Say - how did you ever 
get a license to drive 
        a taxi?"

90
"I'm surprised he 
didn't kill himself.
Only my presence 
of mind saved him."

91
"As a citizen and tax
payer I demand jus-
tice. He jay-walked
right in front of my
        car!"

92
"I wonder what's
keeping Aubrey?"

93
"Maybe he stopped 
 to pick up the 
      Mayor."

94
"For Heaven's sake,
  what happened?"

95
"Aubrey, you're
  wonderful!"

96
"Applesauce!"

97
"Maybe it's that baby
he saved - calling up
    to thank him."

98
"Mr. Fisher was taken 
ill at his work. He's
  here, in Ward 53."

99
"What's the matter, 
       Joe?"

100
"You're not telling me
the truth! Something
tells me it's about
Pop - - has he had
  another spell?"

101
"They've taken him 
 to the hospital."

102
"It's a pity it 
  wasn't you!"

103
"You keep this fellow 
here. His talk would 
finish your father."

104
"Sic transit gloria
      mundi."

105
"It's an old French 
saying ... means 'we're
here today and gone
     tomorrow.'"

106
"You've nothing to fear,
Honey ... The old kid
from West Philly is
  still with you."

107
A Business Man's day
in court ...

108
"The City of Philadelphia
  versus Aubrey Piper."

109
"You're charged with 
violating ordinances
821-3496827 - 1862 B
also Section A.J.X. of
       212120."

110
"Would you mind 
repeating that last 
  charge, Your 
     Honor?"

111
"You heard me. What 
have you to say for 
    yourself?"

112
"How many witnesses 
are here to appear 
against the defendant?"

113
"There weren't that 
many people on the 
      street!"

114
"I'm going to make an 
example of you. The
fine will be five hun-
dred dollars or three
   months in jail."

115
"My political influence 
in West Philly is pretty 
strong, my friend. You'd
  better give this a 
   second thought."

116
"That's a good sugges-
tion, and on second
thought I'll change the
sentence to one thou-
sand dollars or six
months at hard labor."

117
"Don't worry, Honey.
I've always wanted an 
opportunity to investi-
gate prison conditions
    around here."

118
"I'll pay his fine."

119
"Right there ... on
 the dotted line!"

120
"It was the mortgage 
money. We mustn't let
 Mom know about it."

121
"Trust me. You know 
 how close-mouthed 
       I am."

122
 That afternoon the
    Pipers moved in 
with the Fishers.

123
"Pop loaned it to me 
  for my invention, 
  before he died."

124
"Why did you do 
   it, Joe?"

125
"I couldn't see one of 
the family go to jail,
 even if we lost the 
        home."

126
"Listen to me, you 
big blow! It's time
 somebody put you 
 wise to yourself!"

127
 "With one of your 
fool gestures you've
sacrificed their home!"

128
"You've ruined Joe's 
      future!"

129
"You're just a four-
flusher - a Show-Off
- you couldn't be
square with yourself!"

130
According to Aubrey,
a man may be down
but he's never out - -
until he's kicked out.

131
"A simple solution of
  vanadium and man-
ganese - invented by a
youth who under my 
tutelage will astound
 the world with his 
       wizardry."

132
"This is a formula, gentle-
men, that will revolution-
ize our whole chemical
and commercial era. I
know because I'm an 
expert on such matters!"

133
"We've tried many kinds
of rust-preventing paints,
but they have all proved 
     impractical."

134
"Of course, you realize
that your refusal will
force me to go to your 
competitor, and you
know what that will 
do to your business."

135
"I regret to tell you that
my firm has instructed 
me to foreclose on your 
       property."

136
"Take it or leave it -
leave it or take it! Act
now! That's the slogan
  that has made me 
 the man I am today!"

137
"Sign on the dotted
        line."

138
"Further delay is impos-
sible. I must insist that
 you sign this release
     on your deed."

139
"Don't sign on the
   dotted line!"

140
"Aubrey, I always 
 knew you'd make 
      good!"

141
"Aubrey, you are
wonderful! How did 
   you do it?"

142
"Instead of applying the 
paint to the outside, my 
boy, I told 'em to apply
it to the metal in its
    molten state!"

143
"Heaven help me 
 from now on!"

The 
   End.

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