Seven Years Bad Luck

[reconstructed titles]

1
Max forever buries his 
    bachelor life.

2
"Whomever lives here has no taste
 at all --- the window would be
   better on this side ---"

3
"-- and the closet, there --"

4
"Amazing -- when I open the 
 window I smell mothballs --"

5
The morning after. The servants
  start their usual routine.

6
"It's nothing, sir. Mary dropped 
          her napkin."

7
"Please come at once to replace a 
  large mirror at Max Linder's 
            home."

8
"Enough is enough, John. Please
   bring my shaving things."

9
"John, do you see what I see?"

10
"Perfectly, sir. You're watching  
 yourself in the mirror, but you look
 under the weather from last night."

11
"I wouldn't have recognized 
          myself."

13
"John, I need decent shaving 
          cream."

14
  "Max dear, my school friends are
 giving a party for us -- pick me up,
       and we'll go together.

15
"I hope you don't see this as a sign
   of seven years bad luck, Sir!"

16
"You'd better be careful getting
      about today, Sir."

17
"I'll go by horseback. Call 
       for my horse."

18
"On second thought, I'll walk."

19
"You think you can just hop on
    any eye-catching car?"

20
"Yes, I'll wait. Say, aren't 
      you a psychic?"

21
"Yes. If you wish, I can predict
        your future."

22
"I see a dog threatening your 
         happiness."

23
"Why do you keep pursuing me? 
 You know I'm engaged to your 
     best friend Max!"

24
"My friends' reception will be
 wonderful. Let's go have fun!"

25
"Where is my little Frizotto?"

26
"It's all over with Max. Frizotto
   declares eternal enmity."

27
"You're right about seven years 
  bad luck. Pack my things!"

28
"Come on back, Max dear. My 
 daughter has calmed down."

29
"I'm not leaving after all. Unpack
           my things."

30
"-- See if the dog's still there --"

31
"It was all a silly mistake, dear. 
  Console Max, mend his broken 
            heart."

32
"You've turned mother's house 
 into a dance hall. I'm returning 
          your ring!"

33
"I've had a fight with Betty. Can
  you help smooth things over?"

34
"That mirror keeps bringing bad 
  luck. Repack my suitcase."

35
"Max told me to come see you --"

36
"-- He's leaving -- he said he'd be
 happier marrying one of his old 
          girlfriends."

37
"Oh! The ingrate! How shall 
        I get even?"

38
"It would be so simple 
    -- marry me!"

39
"All right! That's that! Come back 
       tomorrow morning!"

40
"Out of a hundred million men, 
 I had to break the mirror!"

41
"I don't have any money. You'll 
  have to keep the tickets."

42
"And your ticket? You look
    older than five!"

43
"I bet the station-master that I 
 could get in without a ticket
       -- help me win!"

44
"A bird got on the train without
  paying. Keep your eyes open!"

45
"I'm going to town. Fill in
      while I'm away."

46
"Useless to hide in there! I've
     seen you! Open up!"

47
"I'll wait all night if I have to!"

48
"Why are you screaming? Have
 you seen a masked bandit?"

49
"Call the station master!"

50
"That's papa, but he's not here."

51
"He will lose his job for
    leaving his post."

52
"Oh, so you are here!"

53
"So it seems."

54
"How nice you were to come back
   so quickly! Hug me!"

55
"Don't say anything! Think of
     your father's job!"

56
"Hello! I'm calling to tell you that 
 train 11 is fourteen minutes late."

57
"Why bother me? I can't make 
     it go any faster!"

58
"Please give me a ticket 
    to New Orleans."

59
"Take them all! Take your choice!"

60
"And it's free, honey child!"

61
"I'd also like to send this box 
     for the same price."

62
"What color label would you like? 
  Sky blue or canary yellow?"

63
"Where did you come from?!"

64
"Stop the impostor on train number 
 11. He's small, brown hair, with a
       toothbrush moustache."

65
"Don't be afraid! I won't eat you!"

66
"You're very nice, but you're 
 becoming a little too familiar."

67
"Come on in. Make yourselves 
         at home!"

68
"I have an idea -- let me try it!"

69
A gentleman with a few
"guests" who won't leave.

70
"Scratch my back!"

71
And as he dreamed, Max scratched
         and scratched --

72
Betty is ready to wed Max's rival.

73
"His Honor is in Court."

74
"We've come to get married."

75
Seven years later.

THE END

Seven Years Bad Luck

[titles from another version] 1 Max ... a playboy having the time of his life. 2 And that's how it all began 3 "Isn't this peculiar ... Someone has rearranged my house. The window ought to be over here .... 4 ... and the closet over there." 5 "Open the window of this place and all you smell are gasoline fumes. The times are really out of joint." 6 In the morning, Max's household staff begins its usual work routine. 7 "It's nothing, sir. ..... Eunice just dropped her ... ... er .... napkin holder." 8 "Please come over immed- iately to replace a broken mirror in Max Linder's house!" 9 "You can't spend the en- tire day polishing the mir- ror! Please get done so I can get shaved." 10 "James, do you see what I see?" 11 "Certainly, sir, ... You're looking at yourself, but you have changed a lot since last night!" 12 "Must have. I can hardly recognize myself!" 13 "Just a little harder and I'd have cracked the glass." 14 "More shaving cream, James. I'm all out already." 15 "Max dear, some of my school friends have planned a little party in honor of our engagement. I'd like to go, if you'll come over to pick me up." 16 "I'll be right there dear, just as soon as I take care of a quick little trifle." 17 "If you're superstitious, sir, you ought to know that this means the start of seven years of bad luck!" 18 "It must mean that I'm go- ing to be married for seven years!" 19 "It's a bad sign, sir. I think you ought to go to the country until your wedding." 20 Pressed and dressed, Max leaves to pick up his fiancÚ. 21 "I'm going on horseback. Call the stables and have a horse sent over!" 22 "On second thought, I be- lieve I'll walk." 23 "You have some nerve, cluttering up the bumper of my beautiful car!" 24 "I'm going on ahead. Tell Max to go over when he gets here." 25 "Would it be too much trouble for you to bring my horoscope?" 26 "Not at all, but I can just read your palm instead, if you wish." 27 "From your palm lines, I can see that you weren't killed in the war ..." 28 "... but you'd better stay away from animals. You will die from the bite of a mad dog." 29 "What's the point in pur- suing me? You know very well that I'm engaged to your best friend, Max." 30 "My friends are planning a really marvelous time. We are going to love it." 31 "Where's my little Fritzie?" 32 "Max and I are through. He and Fritzie just can't get along with each other." 33 "You were right about those seven years of bad luck ... they've already begun." 34 "Come back please, Max dear. I've got my daughter calmed down." 35 "I'm not worrying any more .... bad luck be hanged!" 36 "Mind if I just play a song?" 37 "See if the dog is still mad." 38 "Go console poor Max, my dear. He must be awfully up- set by this little squabble." 39 "Come on! Let's dance to that!" 40 "You've turned my mother's house into a cabaret. Take back your ring!" 41 "You wearing some new style of headdress?" 42 "I've had a fight with Betty. It's all over between us now." 43 "That broken mirror is still bringing me bad luck. Pack my suitcase again!" 44 "Max asked me to come here and see you." 45 "Things seem hopeless with your marriage to one of my oldest friends." 46 "Oh, that ingrate! What am I going to do?" 47 "Very simple ... marry me!" 48 "I'll do it ... come back to- morrow morning!" 49 "Thanks ... I feel much better now." 50 "Out of a hundred million men, I have to be the one to break a mirror!" 51 "My money seems to be gone. You'd better keep the ticket." 52 "And your ticket? You're older than five ..!" 53 "I have a bet on with the conductor that I can get past him without a ticket. Would you help me win?" 54 "There's a pigeon on this train who hasn't paid his fare. Keep your eyes peeled." 55 "If I find him, he'll become pigeon pot pie!" 56 "I have to go to town. Take over while I'm gone." 57 "You can't hide from me in there! I saw you! Open up!" 58 "Take as long as you like I'll still be out here waiting for you!" 59 "What inspired that? Have you seen a masked bandit?" 60 "Call the station master." 61 "That's father. But he's not here!" 62 "Very well ... I'll signal ahead and he'll be fired for leaving his post." 63 "Well, so you're here!" 64 "Apparently." 65 "You didn't tell anyone my father was absent?" 66 "Of course not. He's there." 67 "Daddy, I'm so glad you got back so quickly. Kiss me." 68 "Quiet .... say nothing and I'll cover up for your father." 69 "Votre pere va peut-etre pouvoir me dire ou est passe mon loustie!" 70 "Hello? Train number 11 is running twenty minutes late." 71 "What do you want me to do about it? Make it go faster?" 72 "Honey, give me a ticket for New Orleans." 73 "There you are, you sweet young thing. Take your choice ... here's the whole assortment." 74 "Honey, how about my baggage for the same price?" 75 "What color label would you like? We have canary yellow and sky blue." 76 "Eh, bien, dites donc, ne vous genez pas!" 77 Max is a little too attached to the station master's young daughter. 78 "Ah, so. Where are you going?" 79 "Arrest a man who is on train number 11. He's small and dark, with a mustache and buck teeth." 80 "Don't be afraid. I won't eat you!" 81 "We must keep our heads!" 82 "We must use strategy in entering this cage." 83 "You're awfully nice, but you're becoming a little too familiar." 84 "Profitons de ce qu'il on la dos tourne!" 85 "Please come in ... make yourselves at home." 86 "I have an idea. Let me go it alone." 87 His cellmates are having some difficulties with some of the local inhabitants. 88 "Scratch my back!" 89 And now, while Max scratches on, we're carried into the land of dreams. 90 Ready to reap the fruit of his treachery, Max's rival prepares for the ceremony. 91 "Sorry sir, the Justice is in court." 92 "We wish to be married." 93 "This man has stolen my fiance, my most precious jewel." 94 Seven years later ..... 95 The healing powers of Time have patched the broken pieces of mirror, which now reflect an unending chain of good luck. FIN
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