The Red Mill

1
A summer on Holland's
  canals leaves a
marked impression...but
a fall on its ice leaves
       a scar.

2
Tina, drudge of the 
  Red Mill Tavern, had 
been "in Dutch" since
birth.

	... Marion Davies

3
WORK!
  A trip over a door
  sill would have been
  a vacation for Tina.

4
"Come here, Ignatz!"

5
"You're my only friend,
 Ignatz...don't ever get
 married and leave me."

6
WILLEM, the Tavern
 proprietor was a
kind man... the mean
kind.

	... George Seigman

7
"Twice this month I've
 caught you sitting down,
   you lazy good-for-
        nothing!"

8
"I won't have a mouse
 eating up all my profits!"

9
"Please don't! I'll pay
 his board out of my
        wages!"

10
"Such nonsense comes
 from not having enough
        work!"

11
"I'm too good...always
 helping you do more
 work! Here's a new
  ironing board!"

12
"They should have sent
 a book of destructions!"

13
It wasn't the dams but
 the damsels that had
attracted Dennis Wheat
to Holland.

	... Owen Moore

14
Caesar Rinkle
 -- His valet --

	... Snitz Edwards

15
"You have nobody to
 skate with...and so
       have I."

16
"I'd be crazy to skate
 with you...but I know
 Caesar will be crazier."

17
"Come on! Up the canal
 we'll skate together
        down."

18
"Good! I'll skate up and
    you skate down!"

19
"Careful! Don't tickle
  me on the curves."

20
"I hope you're all going
  in the skating race.
 I'm to judge it....and
    kiss the winner."

21
"Maybe from the Inn
 I can bring you a
    light out."

22
"What good is a light
 out? I've got a lighter
      out already."

23
"My name's Tina."

24
"Mine's Wheat! Wheat-
 Tina! We ought to get
 together for breakfast!"

25
"I'll bet you've skated
   home from many an
     ice boat ride."

26
"Don't let me keep
      you up."

27
"Why didn't you tell me
 you were going into a 
      tail spin?"

28
"The trouble with you
 is .... you don't wear
 your skates in the right
        place."

29
"I've got to go! They're
   starting the race!"

30
"You're certainly keeping
   a stiff upper lip."

31
"I won! From you I get
   a kiss ... no?"

32
"As soon as I get an
 ice-pick I'll kiss you."

33
Tina had been kissed
 but twice in her
life .... once on her
cheek and once on her
Sunday School picnic.

34
"From you isn't there
  something coming
       to me?"

35
Then Spring came ....
 pushing the ice out
 of the canals and up
 into the ice-boxes.

36
And in Spring all
Holland's she-s lightly
turn to thoughts of
       he-s.

37
"It would be better if
 you had your tail on
   the other end!"

38
"Who wants a drink
     of milk?"

39
"He's taking Hans to
 the Haunted Mill!"

40
"May the devil and
 ghosts come and get
 you...you Spitzboop!"

41
"Get Tina! She'll save
        Hans!"

42
"Grab her by the
     bucket!"

43
"Willem locked Hans in 
 the Haunted Mill! The
 ghosts will eat him up!"

44
"Help! The devil's got
   hold of my tail!"

45
"Help! Momma! Poppa!
 Peter! Jacop! Herman!
 Uncle LOOO-OO-O-IE!!!"

46
"Ghosts don't scare me...
  otherwise I'd go!"

47
Two things brought
  Dennis back to
 Holland....a train and
       a boat.

48
"You'll like Holland now.
  In winter it's much
   better in summer."

49
"So cute you look ...
 just like my little
     dachshund."

50
"So the Burgomaster's
 daughter has the rooms
 across the court? Is 
    she married?"

51
"She is ... but she ain't.
 Her father is making her
   marry the Governor,
   and I am helping."

52
"That's Gretchen! The Burgo-
 master is keeping her locked
 up until comes her wedding
 day .... the little trouble-
          maker!"

53
"She's got a beautiful
       chassis!"

54
"Never mind the chassis!
 Wait till you see what
  she's got under the
         hood!"

55
The Burgomaster's 
 daughter loved Capt.
Jacop Van Goop .....
which proves love is
blind in Holland.

	... Karl Dane

56
"Will you take this note
  to Gretchen for me?"

57
"Jacop, I know just how
 poor Gretchen feels.
 Once I was in love, too."

58
"Dennis was crazy over
 me. When we skated
 together side-by-each
  he got all upset."

59
"I'll never forget how
   he begged me to
      kiss him."

60
"It was so sad. The day
 he left he cried all
  over his departure."

61
"Dennis used to love me
 just like Jacop loves
  you ... only worse."

62
"Nobody could love
 anybody so worse as
   I love Jacop."

63
"We'll change clothes ...
 then when I sneak out
 to meet Jacop it will
        be you!"

64
"Sure you can do it!
 Anybody could do any-
 thing that I could
     think of!"

65
"What a nice pen-wiper
     you'd make."

66
"If you stood on your 
 head you'd look like an
      artichoke."

67
"It's easier to peel an
        onion!"

68
"Maybe that will keep
 you from sitting down 
       so much!"

69
"Jacop, I'm a lucky girl
 to be loved by such a
 handsome man as you."

70
"My little glow-worm!"

71
"It's my Dennis!"

72
"What was it...a piano?"

73
"Caesar....at last you've
    used your head."

74
"May I come over?"

75
"If you won't come
 closer to me ... then
 I'll come closer to you."

76
"I'd like to shake the
 hand of the mother 
 who raised a beautiful
   thing like you."

77
"I must have been blind
 when I was here last
 winter....not to have
       met you."

78
"You're like a beautiful 
 ray of sunshine stand-
 ing there sunburning
          me."

79
"I never believed in love
 at first sight until I
 took a second look at
         you."

80
"I knew I could kiss ....
   but not that good."

81
"Just as my Jacop was
 beginning to commence
  a mouse jumped in
      my shoe!"

82
"Drink to the Burgomaster ...
 and to the marriage of his
   daughter, Gretchen!"

83
"The day Gretchen marries
 she will get her Grand-
 father's estate of a million
         guilders!"

84
"I've just heard that the
  Burgomaster's daughter
   is worth a million!"

85
"Even if she had twenty 
 million, I'd still love her!"

86
"And she's the most
 beautiful girl in the
     world, too!"

87
"If she's the most
 beautiful girl in the
 world....it's a helluva
       world!"

88
"My little Jacop....
 I've dislocated him
     somewhere."

89
"Maybe you're looking
 where he ain't. I'll look
      where he is."

90
"She has the sweetest
 face I've ever seen!
  My little Juliet!"

91
"She might have had a
 sweet face once....but
 it's all curdled now!"

92
"With a face like that
 she needs a million!"

93
"Her lips are as sweet as 
 virgin cherries that follow
   springtime blossoms!"

94
"The stars are dimmed
 when my Gretchen's
   eyes twinkle."

95
"How she could kiss!
 I could tell her lips from
 all others in the world!"

96
"BABY!"

97
"POPPA!"

98
"Take a look at your
   Juliet now!"

99
"I'll ruin that Romeo!
 Give me something to
 knock him over with!"

100
"Always something
 happens just when
 my little Jacop begins
   to commence."

101
"I'm through! There's
 too much traffic on
    your ladder!"

102
"Don't be mad, Dennis.
 He's only a relative of
         mine."

103
"It's you I love....only
          you."

104
"Not now! Tomorrow
      night!"

105
"Caesar, you'd better
 learn to walk with
 a bouquet. I think
 you're going to be a
     bridesmaid."

106
The next morning arrived ...
 everybody was too busy
 to stop it.

107
"Start the wedding break-
 fast! The Burgomaster
 orders Gretchen to marry
 the Governor immediately!"

108
"There goes the last
 chance for my boss."

109
"Well...he owes so many
 bills, and Gretchen was
        so rich."

110
"Do you mean he was going
 to marry Gretchen only for
        her money?"

111
"Say, when a girl's as homely
 as Gretchen, Cupid can't
 shoot arrows....he's got to
    throw pocketbooks!"

112
"OOo! If only I could
 call you in English
 what I'm thinking in
        Dutch!"

113
"You'll do as I say! In
 half an hour you'll
 be the wife of the
     Governor!"

114
"Oh, Tina....please
     save me!"

115
"Our instructions are
 that you take the bride
 in your boat...so you'd
 better have this for her
       protection."

116
"Say....her face is her
      protection!"

117
"All right! Remember,
 I'm to follow you in a
    separate boat."

118
"Go on, Ignatz...act like
        a mouse."

119
"Help! Police! Murder!
    Fire...MICE!!"

120
"Wake up, Gretchen!
 We'll get you to Jacop's
        boat."

121
"The bride has been
      stolen!"

122
"There's your little
      Juliet!"

123
"You must be twins!
 No one man could
    be so dumb!"

124
"What a fine groom 
     you are!"

125
"We've lost all trace of 
 your daughter .... but
 we're still on her trail!"

126
"Ten thousand guilders
 for information that will
   lead to her return."

127
"What have you done
   with Gretchen?"

128
"I won't tell you!"

129
"Keep after Tina ... and
      that Irisher!"

130
"I'm going to lock you
 in the Haunted Mill!"

131
"I'll make you loosen
    your tongue!"

132
"You go one way and
 I'll go the other."

133
"I'm shot in the shoulder!"

134
"Your shoulder looks
  all right to me."

135
"Maybe it was the other
       shoulder."

136
"-- and I'm going to
 take you back with me
 and make you an Irish
      Princess."

137
"Now .... probably by
 next year I'll have to
   be a nurse girl!"

The End



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