Orchids and Ermine

1
Every girl of today
 loves fine feathers,
 but only one in a
thousand can find the 
    right bird.

2
Pink Watson was
 willing to fall in
 love if she could
fall on fine feathers.

 ... COLLEEN MOORE

3
"Have a smell, Mandy!
 Some day I'll quit this
 cement yard, marry a
 millionaire - and you'll
      be my maid."

4
"This is Mrs. Van Schuylight.
 I wish to purchase a new
 limousine -- the one I have
      is all dusty!"

5
"Don't let that Pink
 Watson put foolish
 ideas in your heads -
 she ain't goin' to come
   to no good end."

6
"Still cravin' orchids,
 ermine and rich he-
     flappers?"

7
"Why not marry me?
 I'm a light-drinkin',
   home-lovin' man."

8
"Listen, big boy. The
 man I marry may get
 me dusty - but it'll be
      gold-dust."

9
Fifth Avenue -- --
 where all good little
 minks go when 
   they die.

10
"Just step over to the
 stairway - the job is
   waiting for you."

11
"No chiffon dolls - send
 in a girl that looks
       sensible."

12
"You'll do. Start at eight
 tomorrow - - and no
    fancy clothes."

13
"Gee, I'd be happy with
 an ermine coat made
      of rabbit."

14
Ermintrude De Vere's
 recipe for a swell dish
 was -- --

-- take one rich egg, add
applesauce and use well
before shaking.

              . . . Gwen Lee

15
"I'll take jewelry for mine.
 This cost a friend of
 mine 1000 smackers."

16
"This isn't so bad - - it
 cost a friend of mine
  100 cigar coupons."

17
"I've got a date tonight
 with a young millionaire.
 I'll take you along in
    his Rolls-Royce."

18
7 p. m. -- when New
  York turns night
  time into date time.

19
"No bum etiquette -
 once we took a girl to
 a chop suey joint and
 she ordered a bowl of
      mah jongg."

20
"Dearie, this is Mr. Vandergriff -
 the gentleman we were
 turning over in our minds."

21
"Do you enjoy any
 sports, besides making
 money, Mr. Vandergriff?"

22
"I'm very fond of 
 shooting wild kudu in
  the Maine springs."

23
Long Island -- where
 two pints make one
 quart; and two
quarts make one wild.

24
"If you girls like this 
  place, I'll buy it."

25
"Jenkins!"

26
"Tomorrow I shall
 engage another
   chauffeur!"

27
"Your millionaire friend
  just lost his fortune."

28
"It's all right, Baby-doll.
 Daddy'll take care of 
          you."

29
"You can't beat these 
 old birds -- when their
 wives reach forty they
 want to change them
  for two twenties."

30
The car line was only
 an hour's walk --
   if you ran.

31
"Mac -- !"

32
"Mac, you're an angel
 fallen from heaven --
 even if you did fall on
      your face!"

33
"Was you walkin' home
  from an auto ride?"

34
"No, I was knitting ties
 for the street car track."

35
"I can pick up twenty
 bucks every night
 helpin' girls walk home."

36
"They've been out
 with a bunch of
  millionaires."

37
"I guess I'm on the
  wrong trail, Mac."

38
Lost: Four hours
  sleep -- but no
  confidence.

39
"Welcome to New York,
 Mr. Tabor."

        . . . Jack Mulhall

40
His valet -- a breath
  of hot air from the
  open spaces.

       . . . Sam Hardy

41
"Don't you remember
 me, Mr. Tabor? We
  met in Denver."

42
"I'm sorry - - I've never
     been in Denver."

43
"Don't you remember
 me, Mr. Tabor? We
 met in Kansas City."

44
"I'm sorry - - I've never 
   been in Kansas City."

45
"Try Mr. Waterman -
 he just brought in
  another ink well."

46
"But Ermintrude, it says
 Mr. Tabor doesn't like
        blondes."

47
"New York is just a
 battle between blondes
 and brunettes -- --
 and I'm no dub when
 it comes to chemical
      warfare!"

48
"Hank, while we're here,
 you're going to be me,
   and I'll be you."

49
"I'm tired of being
 annoyed by all these
  money-mad women!"

50
"If you'll stand the
 expense, I'll stand the
      annoyance."

51
"I'll sign some blank
 checks up to $5,000."

52
"Hello, Sweet Patootie.
 Lovely day, isn't it?"

53
"Make it snappy -- --
 I've got to look over
   some buildings."

54
"Hey, give me some
     service!"

55
"Can I help you?"

56
"I was wondering where
 I could get something 
  for my sister -- --"

57
"Try the navy yard."

58
"Men are all alike -- --
      darn 'em."

59
"Give them to the little 
 'phone girl, and charge
    to Richard Tabor."

60
"Richard Tabor sent 'em
        to you."

61
"He had to have some
 excuse to talk to me."

62
"Hello, Sweet Mama.
 Lovely day, isn't it?"

63
"I'll bet you're a plain
      clothes man."

64
"I could load you with
 so much jewelry you'd
 have to sleep in a safe."

65
"Your program coming
 in fine. What's your
     rave length?"

66
"Let's step out, girlie --
    I'm broad-minded."

67
"Don't be sil' - - you've
 already got flat feet
 from being stood up
       so much."

68
"Charge 'em to Richard
         Tabor."

69
"Sign off, big boy --
 you're not Richard
       Tabor."

70
"Do you question my 
     audacity?"

71
"Tabor was here a minute
 ago - a quiet kid wearing
     a noiseless suit."

72
"Take a look at this
    dough diary."

73
"Pardon my depravity."

74
"Quite inharmonious, 
   I assure you."

75
"The other sap was my
 valet -- -- I'll sever his
      connections."

76
"Nice guy that gave you
     those orchids."

77
"I believe he said the
 name was Richard 
      Tabor."

78
[missing?]

79
"-- -- and he's gonna 
 get the gate for buying
        'em."

80
"Put them back in stock.
 Then maybe he won't 
      be fired."

81
"I'll do it for you - seeing
     we're so chummy."

82
Hank's first night
 of "sheiking"
 terminated with
   daylight.

83
"I'm keepin' 'em away
 from you, Boss -- --
  but it's no cinch."

84
"Hank, there's a little girl
 I'd like to make a hit
 with. How do you do it?"

85
"I studied a book -- --
 'How To Impress Ladies
 in Two Parts.'
 I'll give you a few tips."

86
"Now you're the lady."

87
"Hello, Sweet Mama.
 Lovely day, isn't it?"

88
"Nize baby -- luffly day,
       ain't you?"

89
"Ve meet soon again --
 I'm a beeg button man
    from de vest."

90
"Hello, Sweet Mama.
 Lovely day, isn't it?"

91
"A nifty mama like you
 ought to be riding
 around in my Rolls-
        Royce."

92
"Say, mister - I'm working
 for a living and I don't
 need any tips on the
 easier way to get along."

93
"I'm sick of this Sweet
 Mama, Baby-doll, Bright-
 eyes, Honeybunch,
 Sweet Patootie stuff!"

94
"Mr. Tabor, you'd be the
 weak moment in any
    girl's life."

95
"Let's step out tonight,
         Baby."

96
"Hank, are you sure that
    book was right?"

97
"I've been using it for
 years -- and it's only
      missed once."

98
"Hello, Sweet Mama.
 Lovely day, isn't it?"

99
"A nifty mama like you
 ought to be riding
 around in my Rolls-
        Royce."

100
"You'll be riding around
 in a cyclone if you
    keep that up!"

101
"- and charging orchids
 to your boss isn't the
 nicest thing in the
  world, Mr. Valet!"

102
"Honest, I'm Richard
 Tabor - - that's my 
    Rolls-Royce."

103
"Jeeves, will you tell 
 this young lady who
       I am?"

104
"Certainly. You're
 Mr. Tabor's valet."

105
"You're fired!"

106
"All full downstairs."

107
"A hundred dollars if 
 your driver overtakes 
      that bus!"

108
"Please let me explain -
 it's all a mistake - -"

109
A good night club -
  where there is
  nothing pre-war
  but the chorus.

110
"I get a great kick outa
 this sympathetic gin."

111
"I'm glad yours is
 sympathetic -- --
  mine's vicious."

112
"A nice boy like you
 should have a better
   job than valet."

113
"Would it make any 
 difference to you?"

114
For better or worse -
  more or less.

115
"What is your name, sir?"

116
"My - name - is - er - -"

117
"Richard Tabor, the big
    oil millionaire."

118
By the next morning
  Pink had decided
  that a poor girl can
be happy - but a happy
   girl isn't poor.

119
"Oh -- you've got a job
    as floorwalker!"

120
"Booth six, sir."

121
"Pink, dear, I love you!
 Won't you marry me?"

122
"YES! Floorwalker or 
  not, I love you!"

123
"Now that you've promised
 to marry me, I have to
 tell you that I am Richard
       Tabor -- --"

124
"-- -- and we're going
 right now to the finest
 modiste shop in town."

125
Three gowns later.

126
"Oh, Richard, if you'd longed
 for one of these all your life,
 you'd realize how happy 
          I am!"

127
"This is the outfit I want
    to be married in."

128
"I loathe anything commercial,
 sir -- -- but to whom shall
   I charge it, to whom?"

129
"Richard Tabor, De Luxe 
         Hotel."

130
"Real Orchids! Real 
       Ermine!"

131
"Arrest those impostors!"

132
"Oh, why did you do 
        this?"

133
"Don't take her, officer.
 I'm the only one
 responsible for this."

134
"Couldn't you see it was
 you I wanted - - not
 clothes -- or money --"

135
"I'll find Mr. Tabor - -
 maybe he'll get you
         out."

136
"You working people 
 are now gazing on
 Mrs. Richard Tabor."

137
"Just step outside and
 see what Santa Claus 
     brought me!"

138
"Quick - - your valet's
       in jail!"

139
"I've got a hunch you're High
 Hat Harry -- -- wanted for
 arson, larceny, bigamy,
     alimony -- --"

140
"Hank, tell the sergeant
       who I am."

141
"He's my valet. I'm
   Richard Tabor."

142
"I'll have to get my valet
 out of this. Run along
 and buy a pound of 
      jewelry."

143
"You see, sergeant - -
 he is Richard Tabor --"

144
"No -- I'm the valet."

145
Oklahoma bound.


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