The Matinee Idol

1
Broadway --
  a street that runs
   North, South and wild.

2
Backstage in a well-known
theatre, the king of Black
Face Comedians was
rehearsing a new show...

3
Don Wilson arrived at
stardom with both feet, so
the shock didn't go to his 
head...

	Johnnie Walker

4
Arnold Wingate, famous
stage producer, whose
revues were the talk of 
New York...

	Ernest Hilliard

5
"Well, what do you think 
      of the Show?"

6
"Don's better than ever, but
 he's been working too
 hard -- he needs a rest."

7
"You're now getting over 
 five hundred letters a day --
 and all from women."

8
"When I was a ham actor,
 I didn't even get a postal
   card on Christmas."

9
"Dan, you need a rest. How
 about a drive to the
 country over the weekend?"

10
"I'll go anyplace there aren't 
           women!"

11
Forty years ago, old Bolivar
played a one night stand
with Booth... He never
stopped talking about it...

	Lionel Belmore

12
Ginger Bolivar did everything 
from pasting posters to
playing star parts...

	Bessie Love

13
"Say listen, I'm no laborer --
 I'm an actor -- and what's
 more, I'm quitting!"

14
"You're not quitting --
                you're fired!"

15
Many a weekend party has
started at a mile-a-minute
pace and ended in a walk.

16
"You insisted on driving, Don
 so I know you'll insist on
 fixing it. We're going to the
 show."

17
"Come one -- come all!
   See the world famous
          Bolivar Players!"

18
"All you have to say is
 one line -- I love you."

19
"I -- I -- I"

20
"Have you seen the garage
 man?"

21
"He's behind the tent,
 tryin' to be an actor."

22
"For heavens sake, can
 you say I love you?"

23
"What's your name?"

24
"Call me Harry Mann."

25
"Now listen -- you're a dying
 soldier. You say I love you
 and then die."

26
"Put some feeling into it."

27
"Show him how to make up."

28
Eric Barrymaine -- who
played deep-dyed villains
with a soprano voice...

		David Mir

29
"Welcome to our jolly family!"

30
"Who is that?
Helen of Troy?"

31
"Say, you've got some
  nerve -- smart crackin' 
      about a great actor!"

32
"You're supposed to be
      the Army."

33
"Flag! Army!"

34
"Goodbye, daughter!
  The bugles are calling --
     I am off to the war!"

35
"They're so terrible,
   they're great."

36
"He said married men make
 the best soldiers -- they
 know what war means."

37
"Calm your fears. For one
 who handles the sword as
 I do, there is no danger!"

38 [small type]
"Not yet, you boob! Get back!"

39
"Look, it's Don!"

40
"Where was you brung up?
 Dat's no way for a
 gentleman to act in a
 theatre!"

41
"Yon rebels are after me,
 sweetheart -- I must hide 
 the papers!"

42
"He said the installment
 collector is coming --
 hide the piano."

43
"Hide in there --
      I will save you!"

44
"Whar's that Yankee spy?"

45
"-- and now for the glory of
        our country!"

46
"Can you imagine what a
 sensation this would be
 on Broadway?"

47
"Look, Ma -- there's Pa!"

48 [animated; text grows larger]
"A-ha!"

49 [animated; text grows larger]
"A-ha!"

50 [small type]
"S-s-st! Do I come on now?"

51
"I love you."

52
"I love you."

53 [small type]
"Die, you poor sap, die!"

54
"Alas, poor boy -- I did my
 duty -- I kissed him and
 he died."

55
"You were terrible -- you
 almost spoiled the whole
 show!"

56
"I've seen bum actors, but
 you're the worst!
 You're fired!"

57
"They're so funny, I'm going
 to make them an offer --
 they're just what our 
 revue needs."

58
"Great idea -- but I was fired
 for being a terrible actor.
 Make them keep me -- as 
 Harry Mann."

59
"I've come to make an offer
 to present your entire
 company on Broadway."

60
"Broadway has never seen 
 acting until it witnesses
  a performance by the
    Bolivar Players."

61
"I must insist on having the
  same cast I saw today!"

62
"This isn't the full cast, is it?"

63
"Oh, there's one actor
 missing. I'll get him."

64
"Don't feel bad. I've decided
    to give you another
          chance."

65
"I won't stay unless you
    give me a raise."

66
 So the Bolivars came to 
New York -- never expecting 
 that "Harry Mann" was a 
      Broadway Star.

67
"What's the idea of
 rehearsing in black-face?"

68
"I just left the Bolivars at
 the boarding house --
 they're coming here --"

69
"-- and I don't want Ginger
 to know that Harry Mann
 and Don Wilson are the 
 same person."

70
"There's a bunch of hams 
 waiting to see you -- here's
 their calling card."

71
"Hey! You'll break her leg!"

72
"That's Don Wilson -- the
   famous black face 
       comedian."

73
"Whoops, Dearie!"

74
"Oh! Mr. Wilson's gloves --"

75
"Are you going to a
 masquerade, Mr. Wilson?"

76
"Er -- yes -- I'm giving one
 at my house tonight. Would
 you and your troupe like
 to come?"

77
"But we have no costumes."

78
"See that Miss Bolivar and
 her friends get the best
 costumes that you have."

79
"Round up a lot of guests,
 Arnold. I find I'm giving a
 masquerade tonight."

80
In their boarding house, the
Bolivars prepared for their
first attack on New York.

81
"A horse! A horse!
       My kingdom
              for a horse!"

82
"That's not necessary, Mr.
 Wilson -- I'm not cold."

83
"You're wonderful, Ginger
 -- I'm crazy about you!"

84
"Oh, you're just acting -- you
   don't mean what you say."

85
"Say, you might be a star
 on Broadway, but you
 don't mean a thing to me! 
 You're too darn fresh!"

86
"A horse! A horse!
       My kingdom
              for a horse!"

87
"She gave Don Wilson the
 air -- I think she is in love
 with Harry Mann."

88 [small type]
"Papa got a little cock-eyed."

89
"Gee, I had a wonderful time!"

90
"Did that guy Wilson
     kiss you?"

91
"You don't know how to
 kiss. Let me show you
 how Don Wilson does it."

92
"What Ho! What Ho!"

93
Opening night -- and Bolivar
found that his fling had got
    him into hot water.

94
"I know you'll all try to
 bring glory to the name
 of Bolivar."

95
"Do your best, Ginger -- give
 them a performance they
 will never forget."

96
"And you, my son -- you'll do
 your very best -- won't you?"

97
"One of your men, Harry
 Mann, must have stage
 fright -- he's not here!"

98
"Oh, Harry'll be here --
 he wouldn't fail me."

99
"But we can't wait --
  your act is next."

100
"Can I help? I'll play the part
          for you."

101
"And now folks, I'm going to
 do something I wanted to 
 do all my life -- I'm going to
 appear in a dramatic play."

102
"You know, this isn't as
   funny as it seemed
       at first."

103
 "It better be funny -- and
you've got to see that it is!"

104
"Nothing could keep me
 away tonight -- I wrote
      this play."

105
"I am off to the war!"

106
"Fetch your darling mother --
  I must say au revoir."

107 [small type]
"What are they laughing at?"

108
"Don, this is immense! I've
 never heard so much
 laughter in a theatre."

109
"Breaking her heart to get
 a few laughs isn't funny."

110
"There's something wrong --
       somewhere."

111
"We've got to put more
 spirit into the next act."

112
"Make it funny, Don."

113 [small type]
"S-s-st! Do I come on now?"

114
"What are you fools laughing
   at? This is no comedy."

115
"You can all go to blazes!
 You don't know a good
 show when you see one!"

116
"And you -- you made a fool
        out of me!"

117
"You're Harry Mann!"

118
"Come back, Don -- we're
 holding the curtain for you!"

119
"We were a sensation --
 the audience went wild."

120
"They stood up and
 cheered -- and called for
 the author -- you should
 have been there."

121
"Daughter, I was there."

122
Once again the Bolivar 
Players took to the road --

123
"Say -- 'I love you'"

124
"I love you."

125
"Beat it, all of you!"

The END


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