Tell It to the Marines

1   
Almost every train bound
  for the Marine Base at
San Diego, California, carries
a prospective Marine...some
fellow fresh from the country
or fresher from some city.

2
The greatest public
   improvement ever
made to Kansas City
was when George Burns
left to go join the
Marines.
	... William Haines

3
"Fifth and last call for 
      San Diego!"

4
During the night General
Wilcox, U.S. Marine Corps,
had boarded the train.
	... Frank Currier

5
"Slick day, Grandpop!"

6
"Use this for your
halitosis, Pop...your
friends will never
    tell you."

7
"Say brother, is Kentucky
Boy entered in the sixth
   race at Tia Juana?"

8
"So you are going to 
join the Marine Corps?"

9
"The Marines think I am...
 but they're all damp!"

10
"Confidentially...I'm only
ridin' free on Uncle Sam
 as far as San Diego.
I'm bound for Tia Juana
 to wreck the races."

11
"My boy, they'd have 
as much chance to 
make a Marine of me
as they would of you."

12
"San Diego!"

13
SERGEANT O'HARA,
 U.S. MARINES.
 A hard-boiled egg. If he
 had ever been hatched
 he'd have been a lion.
	... Lon Chaney

14
"Snap into it! Get those
 anchors off your feet!"

15
"You're headin' wrong 
 for the Marine Base!"

16
"Come on...take your 
choice! Are you goin'
vertical or horizontal?"

17
"He'll come back."

18
And Sergeant O'Hara 
     was right.

19
"Are you the Marine 
      Corpse?"

20
"No! I'm the fellow who
 killed the Dead Sea!"

21
"Good luck....you'll
      need it!"

22
"The Major's waitin'
      for you."

23
"Sure! He's been sittin' 
up nights...just waitin' 
       for you!"

24
"Burns, are you an 
American citizen?"

25
"Sure! Do I look like 
     a Persian?"

26
"Ever been married?"

27
"Not me! I'm America's 
     sweetheart!"

28
"Ever been in jail?"

29
"Well, Maje old kid....
  now I'm a Marine."

30
"You're damned right
 you are! Stand up!"

31
"Terrible!"

32
"Madden, put a uniform 
on this! Try to make 
   it look human!"

33
"Don't shoot him before 
we find out where his 
    parents live."

34
"They're comin' worse
      ev'ry day!"

35
"Say, Swab....if you're
gonna walk backwards
around here you gotta
 wear a tail light!"

36
Few people had ever 
  seen Sergeant O'Hara
smile....and Norma Dale
was one of them.
	... Eleanor Boardman

37
"I've roamed the world
over and nowhere have
     I seen - -"

38
"I know....nowhere
have you seen a girl
      like me."

39
"Sheik style at the ears...
and long and fluffy on
         top!"

40
"Nix! Cut it close to
      the bone!"

41
"Sergeant, here's one of
the original Three Wise
  Men! Put the works
       on him!"

42
"He don't know whether
 he's comin' or goin'!"

43
"Who wants to quit drill
for the day and run the
     General's car?"

44
"Brother, I can drive
anything....from a
bargain to a battleship!"

45
"You're just what the 
Marines have needed 
    for years!"

46
"The general's car!"

47
And they let Marines
 sleep as late as they
like...as long as they're
  up by five o'clock.

48
"Come on, Snoring Bull...
   tomorrow has came!"

49
"What's the idea....
do they think we're
      milkmen?"

50
"Say, Rip Van Winkle...
this place ain't no rest 
         cure!"

51
"I'm sick! I've got
     neuritis!"

52
"What am I supposed 
  to do....cry?"

53
"Take General Complaint
   to the Sick Bay!"

54
"I've got a terrible 
      headache!"

55
"This young man seems 
to have everything from 
galloping consumption 
   to cold feet."

56
"I think I've got fallen
        arches!"

57
"I didn't know they
had anything like
you in the Marines."

58
"I'm not in the Marines!
    I'm in the Navy!"

59
"Well....one of us has
got to get transferred."

60
"Will he last through 
       the day?"

61
"He's just another of 
your fighting Marines?"

62
"Wait outside, Ambition!"

63
"You know, I've roamed-"

64
"- the world over and
 you never saw a girl
       like me!"

65
"Ten thousand gobs
Laid down their swabs
To fight one sick Marine."

66
"Come on, Stupid!"

67
Poundin' the grass! Polishin' brass!
Diggin' latrines! Makin' Marines!
Drill!     Drill!     Drill!

68
"Say, Admiral....when
do the nurses get off?"

69
"Who wants to know?"

70
"They get off anywhere
 between Tuesday and
      Thursday."

71
"Much obliged!"

72
"I'm sorry to hear it!"

73
"He's nuts...like all you
      Leather-necks!"

74
"Ten thousand gobs
Laid down their swabs
To fight one sick Marine."

75
"Hello, Sweetie! Here's
 Little Me waiting for
      Little You!"

76
"I brought the Michigan
 Mouse around to take
    you driving."

77
"Has that Boot been 
  botherin' you?"

78
"It's all right....Marines
     will be Marines."

79
"Can I have my chauffeur
give you a lift to the
       car line?"

80
"Thanks for the lift, 
      Sergeant."

81
"You be back in the Base
at ten-thirty....or I'll
 reduce the population 
  of Kansas by one!"

82
"It's a great day for 
       a drive."

83
"Missed him....but I'll
  get him on the way 
        back!"

84
"Maybe they don't look 
so great....but they 
    smell swell."

85
"Aw, come on!"

86
"Well....I'll go if you 
  promise to take me 
     right home."

87
"It is a nice day for
       a drive."

88
"You've been promising 
to take me back to the 
Base every minute for
the last three hours!"

89
"I never knew anybody 
 could drink so much
 ginger ale without
      popping."

90
"Don't be dumb, darling...
you won't be a chicken
       forever."

91
"You know, you ought
to encourage me....I'm
  not hard to get."

92
"I've met a lot of fresh 
  ones in and out of 
 the service....but he
 breaks all records."

93
"He's fresh all right....
but we'll salt him down!"

94
  "But....I don't mean
to get him in any trouble."

95
"Don't worry! He don't
 need any help to get
     in trouble."

96
"At that, I don't blame
you....he's a likeable
         kid."

97
"We've got a nice little 
comfortable jail waitin'
for you! It's called The 
        Brig!"

98
"Good night....Miss
     Squealer!"

99
And the Marines have
 a peculiar way of
generally doing just
what the Sergeant says
    they will do.

100
"Snap up that detach-
ment for sea duty!
We shove off in ten 
     minutes."

101
"Sergeant, I've come to 
  ask a favor of you."

102
"It's about Skeet Burns.
I was a poor sport to
have squealed on him."

103
"I'd hate to feel I've hindered
  his advancement. Won't you
  take him to sea with you?"

104
"This is no kindergarten!
   We've got to have
 discipline around here!"

105
"Sergeant, I followed
 your orders. Burns
is ready to go to sea
      with us."

106
"Please, Skeet....I want
    to talk to you."

107
"I'm sorry about the 
other night, Skeet. I
 hate a squealer as
  much as you do."

108
"Burns!"

109
"BURNS!"

110
"- and I didn't want 
you to leave without 
knowing how I really 
   feel, Skeet."

111
"Gee, Norma....you're
  a peach! I'm nuts 
      about you!"

112
"If I wasn't the punkest 
Marine in the Corps, I'd 
  ask you something, 
        Norma."

113
"- but I'm goin' to try
hard to make good so
I might have a chance
 with you some day."

114
"He says he's going to 
 make good. Give him
  a lift, Sergeant."

115
With the Seven Seas as cradles,
And a Sergeant as a nurse,
They breed the best brand fightin' men
In the whole wide universe!

116
"Step on it! Let's get
  up to the fights!"

117
"Say, Marine....you
 almost ran into a 
       murder!"

118
"Peddle your papers,
Handsome!
I'm poison to Gobs!"

119
"And I'm a great cure
for poison, Mr. Leather
         Neck!"

120
"Say, Baby....I think
I'll declare war on you!"

121
"If you want to fight I'll get
      you a battlefield!"

122
"Watch me sink the
       Navy!"

123
"Special bout! A short
  exhibition between 
Skeet Burns, the fight-
    ing Marine - -"

124
"- - and Bill Duff,
heavyweight champion
   of the Navy!"

125
"Sing to him...and when 
he stops to listen....
        sock!"

126
"Get up....and hide!"

127
"Bye-bye, Blackbird!"

128
"Oh....it's you!"

129
"Up to the time he
slipped over that lucky
wallop...I was a mile
       ahead!"

130
"Now clean up that 
paint, you big false 
       alarm!"

131
"I'm fed up with O'Hara...
and this ship...and the
    lousy Marines!"

132
"I'm going to jump as
soon as I get a chance."

133
"A Marine can't do anything
lower than bellyache to a
          Gob!"

134
"You ain't goin' to jump
this ship! You've got
 three years to go....
and you're goin' to serve
   'em....with me!"

135
"I'll make a Marine out
of you if I have to break
  every bone in your 
head....and I'm talkin'!"

136
"Battle practice! At your 
         station!"

137
"Dig! Broadside comin'!"

138
"Six miles this side of Hell"
  as the Marines term
it, is the Navy oil base
on Tondo Island, guarded
    by U.S. Marines.

139
It never rains more 
 than three hundred
and sixty-five days a
year on Tondo...except
     Leap years!

140
"You'd better keep away 
from those floosies
or O'Hara will put a
 permanent wave in
    your skull."

141
"Fall in!"

142
"I'm givin' you birds
final warnin'! I'll knock
the block off the first
man I catch with those
    goo-goo dames!"

143
"And anyone that don't
like my orders....front
      and centre!"

144
"I'm goin' to work some 
of the romance out of 
you guys! Forward....
       march!"

145
"I suppose you're goin' to
  kiss O'Hara goodnight."

146
"I've got a nerve thinkin'
  of her....with a map
        like this."

147
"I'm certainly the ugliest
   mut in the service."

148
"No....you've got it
  on me a little."

149
"He must have been a 
Colonel.....at least!"

150
"Where's Burns?"

151
"He's - er, er - that
is, he was - er, er -
    I think he -"

152
"Never mind stalling!
      I'm wise!"

153
"Drag him back to 
    quarters!"

154
"It's the fleet with
     our relief!"

155
There were rumors of
 trouble in China...
so two months later
found the Marines in
Shanghai harbor with
the Asiatic Squadron.

156
The Hospital Ship
      Relief.

157
"My letter was quite 
explanatory, Mr. Burns.
There is nothing more 
    to be said."

158
"I was foolish once on 
Tondo Island....but
I've tried to make up 
 for it ever since."

159
"I'm wise! He's thrown 
the hooks into me to
   boost himself!"

160
"I'm a fool to have ever 
    believed in him."

161
"Don't you think I'm 
right to never see him 
       again?"

162
"Never? Are you sure 
that's what you mean?"

163
"Yes....I do mean it."

164
"I think you're turning
  him down just when 
he needs you the most."

165
"I wish he were more 
      like you."

166
"If you think he's bad,
 you should have known 
      me when - -"

167
"Excuse me, Miss....
all nurses are to report
aboard ship at once....
sailing for Hangchow!"

168
"Hangchow? Isn't that 
right in the center of 
  the bandit mess?"

169
"Yes....but this is a
nurses call! There's
an epidemic up there!"

170
Four days after the
hospital relief went 
  to Hangchow the
Asiatic Squadron left
  Shanghai harbor.

171
"What's been buzzin' in 
your bonnet for the past 
     week, Skeet?"

172
"O'Hara double crossed
         me!"

173
"You had me buffaloed 
once, O'Hara....but I've 
        changed!"

174
"Well....there was
certainly room for
   improvement!"

175
"Sergeant or no Sergeant....
the time's over when you
can double-cross me to set
   yourself in right!"

176
"So that's all you've 
learned about me in 
    three years."

177
"I've learned one thing...
  that you hate my guts!"

178
"Well....I hate yours!"

179
HANGCHOW.

180
"The bandits are swarming
        the hills!"

181
"Trouble! Tell it to 
   the Marines!"

182
"He say open doors
 or he break them
      down."

183
"Tell him to go to hell!"

184
"Not a shot to be fired
 without orders! Fix...
       BAYONETS!"

185
"Foreigners....crossing
         bridge!"

186
"My orders....nobody
  leave this town!"

187
"That's for all the punk
  Chop Suey I got in 
        Omaha!"

188
"Stop them at the
     bridge!"

189
"Leave a squad to hold
that bridge and protect
us from a rear attack...
  and shoot to kill!"

190
"Better get back to the 
  column....and save 
      your hide!"

191
"In your hat!"

192
"Didn't I tell you to 
       beat it?"

193
"I'm not goin' to let you 
    have all the fun!"

194
"If the Army and the Navy
    ever look on Heaven's scenes,
They'll find the streets all
    guarded by United States Marines!"

195
- and "Skeet" Burns'
four year stretch was 
        done.

196
"Take those guys out 
  and shoot them."

197
"How about us some day
bein' partners? Norma
 and I have bought a
        ranch."

198
"No, Skeet...I could never
leave the Marines. We're
 sort of made for each 
         other."

199
"I snort and beef a lot
but I think the world
of every lousy rookie."

200
"Who wants to quit drill
for today and drive the
    General's car?"

The End

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