Charley's Aunt

1
THEODORE DELAHAY
 had lost practically
all his fortune backing
a superstitious faith in
number ---- 13.

	- Alec Francis

2
ELA DELAHAY, to
 whom her father's
constant losing had
brought deep concern.

	- Ethel Shannon

3
   LORD FANCOURT 
 BABBERLY -- "BABBS"

A student on vacation
  from Oxford University.
He was introduced to Ela
at 11:50 Monday -- at noon
he was in love with her.

4
"Young man, this is a
 hat -- not a bouquet!"

5
"The Baron is breaking
      the bank!"

6
"Not a winning all week.
 I've enough left for one
 more play - if I lose that
 everything will be gone."

7
"Can you arrange to let 
 number thirteen win?
 I'll pay the losses."

8
"---- and this is for
 Mr. Delahay to win."

9
"I just sneezed thirteen
 times! That's a sure
  sign! Go play it!"

10
American tourists.

11
"Thirteen of us! Let's all
 play number thirteen!"

12
"I can't let thirteen win
 now! Get him on some 
    other number!"

13
"I think you should begin
 with eleven - and gradually
   sneak up on thirteen."

14
The next morning
 "Babbs" called at
the Delahay home with
 another bright idea.

15
"How's this for luck?
 Lottery ticket number
      thirteen!"

16
"Are you sure this
 isn't for gambling?"

17
"This is the surest gamble
     you ever made!"

18
"You don't care much
 for me if you encourage
 my father's gambling.
 I'd rather never see you 
         again."

19
"Monsieur, you hold ze
 lottery ticket numbaire
   thirteen --- no?"

20
"Ah! Lucky ba-bee! You
 have won ze Gran' Prize!"

21
"Once more Francais he
 will kiss you -- yes?"

22
"Now you may go
 to England with 
   Donna Lucia."

23
Donna Lucia D'Alvaborez
  a widowed English
lady who inherited a great
fortune from her Brazilian
husband.

	- Eulalie Jensen

24
"Pardon, Mesdames ---
 but we are elate! Our 
 friend here --- he is win
 ze Gran' Lottery Prize!"

25
"Why, Donna Lucia ---
 father won that prize 
 with number thirteen."

26
"Ah, no! I win ze
 prize with numbaire
   feefty-seven!"

27
"I understand it all now -
 but I'll never see Babbs
 again to thank him. I've
   been terribly cruel."

28
"I've brought up your
     lunch, sir."

29
"I'm a meal ahead of
 you. I just brought up
    my breakfast."

30
ST. OLDE'S COLLEGE
 Oxford University.

31
JACK CHESNEY -- an
 upper class man.

	- David James

32
CHARLEY WYKEHAM
 --- Jack's chum and
classmate.

	- Jimmie Harrison

33
KITTY VERDUN - nothing
 prevents her becoming
Mrs. Jack Chesney excepting
his asking her.

	- Priscilla Bonner

34
AMY SPETTIGUE, who
  is ready to say "Yes"
if Charley Wykeham ever
says "Will you?"

	- Mary Akin

35
STEPHEN SPETTIGUE --
 Amy's uncle ---- and
guardian for both Amy and
Kitty.

	- James E. Page

36
"Understand - the moment
 Amy or Kitty marries,
 your income as their
  guardian will stop!"

37
"I don't propose to give
 up my only income! I'll
 see that they do not 
        marry!"

38
BRASSETT - "Scout" for
 Jack Chesney. He had
"buttled" at Oxford since 
he was nothing but.

	- Lucien Littlefield

39
"A wireless from my 
 Aunt Lucy. She's
 coming here to-day."

40
"She went to Brazil 
 before I was born.
 I've never seen her."

41
"She's a widow now ---
 married a Brazilian who
 left her tons of money."

42
"Horrid, old Mr. Spettigue
 is dragging us away to
  Scotland to-night!"

43
"I have it! We'll invite
 the girls to have lunch
 here - with your aunt!"

44
"-- and we'll propose
 to them while they're
        here."

45
"Prepare luncheon
    for five."

46
"Our credit's exhausted, 
          sir."

47
"Babbs'" return to his
   Oxford rooms was
as quiet as his departure 
  from the continent.

48
"Your costume for the
 class theatricals, sir --
 and may I remind you
 that Freddy Peel and
 the players are to dine
  with you to-night."

49
"Have we enough 
     wine?"

50
"Not enough to stagger
 a humming bird, sir."

51
"I'll get some from Jack."

52
"We'll need someone to 
 entertain your aunt
 while we're proposing."

53
"Here's the plan! We'll go
 borrow some wine from
 Babbs and bring him
 back to look after Aunty!"

54
"Greetings! The three
      orphans!"

55
"His Lordship went
 over to your rooms."

56
"We want you to stay
 for luncheon and meet 
   Charley's aunt."

57
"Old Spett is moving the
 girls to Scotland to-night.
 It's our last chance to
 propose to them -- you
     must help us!"

58
"It can't be done! I must
  try on my costume for
        the play."

59
"I'll go to my rooms --
 unpack my bag -- put
 the costume in it -- and
 come back here to try
        it on."

60
"I'm impersonating a
 silly old lady in the
 play --- outlandish
      costume."

61
"You don't leave here!
 Brassett will fetch
   your costume!"

62
"Such eyes, Babbs! My 
 Amy's are like sapphires
  in a pool of milk."

63
"I believe I'm in love, too."

64
"-- because I want to be 
 alone and listen to the 
      birdies sing."

65
"Lend me half a crown, 
       old boy."

66
"Oblige me with half 
 a crown, old thing."

67
"Favor me with half 
 a crown, Brassy, old 
       dear."

68
"No change, Brassett
  -- keep it all!"

69
"I must be working 
   for myself."

70
"I suppose the journey
 tired your Aunty. Is 
     she resting?"

71
"Why - er - er - she
 hasn't arrived yet."

72
"We've some shopping 
 to do -- we'll be back 
        later."

73
"I'll toddle down to the 
 station to meet Aunty."

74
"Do you mind if I send
 Brassett for some hair 
        pins?"

75
"Would you mind buying
 me some hair pins with
 that half crown I gave
         you?"

76
"Half a crown's worth of
 hair pins? There's not 
 that much hair in the 
         world."

77
SIR FRANCIS CHESNEY
 - Jack's father - late of
his Majesty's Indian forces.

	- Phillips Smalley

78
"We're broke, my boy.
 I guess you'll have to
    quit college."

79
"Can't things be fixed up
 by a wealthy marriage?"

80
"No, no, my boy! My pride
 would never permit you
  to marry for money."

81
"Not me, Dad -- YOU!!"

82
"Charley's aunt is coming
 here for luncheon. She's
 a widow -- and -- worth
       millions"

83
"Now go back to the
 hotel - doll yourself up
 - put a flower in your
 buttonhole - and be
  here for luncheon."

84
"His Lordship's
 hairpins, sir."

85
"Aunty has wired -- she
   missed the train."

86
"The girls will not stay
 without a chaperone!
  What shall we do?"

87
"How do I look?"

88
"AUNTY!!"

89
"You're going to be 
  Charley's aunt!"

90
"I wouldn't be a
 step-sister to him!"

91
"I want you to meet
 my dear, sweet, old
       aunty."

92
"Keep your voice up
 and your skirts down!"

93
"What's my name?"

94
"DONNA LUCIA
 D'ALVADOREZ!"

95
"What am I -- Irish?"

96
"You're a wealthy
 widow from Brazil."

97
"With that name, I thought
 I was a cigar ----- or a
       bullfighter."

98
"What do I do with
 these nose dusters?"

99
"Stick 'em in your
       dress."

100
"Lay them on your
      chest."

101
"We are already quite
  in love with you."

102
"She loves me!
 I like this!"

103
"Thoughtful boy!
 Always trying to
 make a hit with 
      me."

104
"Leave old Spett to me!
 I love near-sighted men."

105
"Is that thing on your
 head detachable - or a
  permanent fixture?"

106
"Will you remove it by
 hand - or shall I send
     for a brick?"

107
"I'm looking for two
   young ladies."

108
"I'm the only young
    lady here."

109
"You should be ashamed
 - coming here in such a
 disgraceful condition!"

110
"Mercy! Turpentine!"

111
"Madam, I am perfectly
        sober!"

112
"I'm too much of a lady 
 to call you what I'm 
      thinking!"

113
"I won't be insulted!
 There's no more liquor
 in me than there is in
       this bag!"

114
"Who threw that book?"

115
"Brassett, I've earned
       a drink."

116
"Jack, I've decided to
 propose to Charley's
        aunt."

117
"But Dad ---- I've seen
 her. She's hardly what 
      I expected."

118
"Who's the Sheik?"

119
"I'm Charley's aunt ----
 from Brazil -- where the
     nuts come from."

120
"I'll coach you! Repeat
    what I tell you!"

121
"Have I any children?"

122
"No, you fool!"

123
"Are you blessed with
  children, Madam?"

124
"No, you fool!"

125
"Thanks, I'll have 
    it stuffed."

126
"Luncheon is served."

127
"Have you mislaid the
     food, boys?"

128
"The wine is missing."

129
"I knew you boys would 
 need wine! You'll find
 three bottles in my bag!"

130
"That thing's on your
     head again!"

131
"You meddlesome old
 chromo! I wish you
   wore trousers!"

132
"These girls are here to
 meet Mr. Wykeham's 
 aunt. Surely there's no
    harm in that."

133
"Permit me - this is Donna
 Lucia d'Alvadorez, one of
 the world's most famous
         ladies."

134
"I'm Charley's aunt --
 from Brazil --- where 
 the nuts come from!"

135
"She's not that celebrated
   millionaire, is she?"

136
"Are you sure she's
  worth millions?"

137
"Madam, I have been 
 most indiscreet and
 ungentlemanly - I am
     very sorry."

138
"You will make me very
 happy if you will stay
 for luncheon - and perhaps
      sit near me."

139
"What a beautiful
     flower!"

140
"I had intended to have
 it stuffed - but it would
 look beautiful on your
      manly chest."

141
"You shouldn't serve
 such a heavy lunch."

142
"Bring the lunch to
    the garden."

143
"Old Spettigue isn't
 going to beat me to
 Donna Lucia's millions!
   We need them."

144
"Dear Donna Lucia,
  take my chair."

145
"They ought to be in
 the moving business."

146
"Ah, thoughtful Donna
 Lucia! A drink for me
 from your own fair
       hands!"

147
"It's either a molar, a
 bicuspid or a tonsil!"

148
The real Donna Lucia and
 Ela arrive unexpectedly.

149
"Here I find you, my
 dream ideal -- after
 searching all the way
  from far-off India."

150
"From India? What a
 walk! You must be
 tired. Won't you have
      a seat?"

151
"Do you know what a
 man longs for most
 when he is lonely and
      wretched?"

152
"A drink!"

153
"I know a riddle, too!
 What flies through the
 air and has four legs?"

154
"Two canary birdies!"

155
"I've been a naughty
 little girl to raise your
 hopes. I am promised
     to another."

156
"But my heart will gallop
 with girlish glee if you'll
 let me be a sister to you."

157
"Please do not plead with
 me! There can never be
 anything between us!
 I am a woman with a
        past!"

158
"You! With such bloom
 of innocence on your
 cheek? It's unbelievable!"

159
"Good-night! The
  Chicken Hawk!"

160
"You take a taxi -- I'll
    take the subway."

161
"We are looking for
 Charles Wykeham."

162
"Charley Wykeham and
 my son are friends. I am
  Sir Francis Chesney."

163
"You're not Lieutenant
   Francis Chesney?"

164
"And you don't
 remember me?"

165
"Lucy!"

166
"Just twenty years ago
 we said 'Good-bye,' Lucy
 - the night my regiment
    sailed for India."

167
"Mr. Wykeham is
 entertaining his
      aunt."

168
"She's an eccentric old
 lady from Brazil - where
  the nuts come from."

169
"Charley Wykeham's
 aunt - here? Are you
       sure?

170
"I've heard of her. I'd
   love to meet her."

171
"Ah! My little
 Passion-flower!"

172
"I must plead ignorance,
 Lucy. What is your name
          now?"

173
"I haven't a card. You
 may call me - Beverly-
        Smythe."

174
"Married?"

175
"No -- a widow."

176
"Ah! A message from
      Heaven!"

177
"Come, my little Gardenia
    -- flutter down!"

178
"We'll find Aunty and
 get her to secure Mr.
 Spettigue's consent to
    our marriages."

179
"Where are you, my
 little Silk Worm?"

180
"Come, come -- my little
     Morning Glory."

181
"We want you to get
 Mr. Spettigue's written
 consent to let us marry."

182
"Old Spett is so determined
 to break up our romances
 that he is taking us to
   Scotland to-night."

183
"Scotland! That beautiful 
 country where the whiskey
      comes from."

184
"I'm Charley's aunt --
 from Brazil --- where 
 the nuts come from."

185
"I knew your late husband
    --- intimately."

186
"She knew my intimate
  husband -- lately."

187
"Didn't you live in the
 little green house on 
      the square?"

188
"Oh, no -- I lived in the
 square house on The 
        Green."

189
"Some cream, please ---
  my little Hyacinth."

190
"Not a word, Ela dear
 ---- there is an old
 female scare-crow here
    posing as me."

191
"Permit to introduce
      my ward."

192
Spettigue's love affair
 prompted the postponing
of his departure for Scotland.
That night he planned a 
dinner at which he would
announce his engagement
to "Donna Lucia" -- maybe.

193
"If I hadn't promised
 the girls I'd get Spett's
 consent - I'd drop out
 of this circus right 
        now!"

194
"Are you ever bothered
 with runs in your
 stockings, Aunty?"

195
"I'm surprised you do
 not smoke, Donna
 Lucia - most Brazilian
     ladies do."

196
"To be truthful - I was
 just nipping the end
   off a perfecto."

197
"Have you any children?"

198
"Only a few. None to
      speak of."

199
"Years ago Sir Francis
 and my dear friend
   were in love."

200
"I'm in love, too --- but
  dear Babbs will never,
     never know it."

201
"Poor Babbs - I let him go
 away without telling him
 how much I loved him for
 what he did for father."

202
"Just a little heartburn."

203
"Ah, my little tube rose,
 I am afire with love!
  I am afire with --"

204
"The old chicken hawk
 wants to kiss me! Keeps
 calling me a lot of pet
   worms or flowers!"

205
"The quitter - kicking
 about kissing Spett -
 and it means so much
        to us."

206
"Of all the dumb Daniels
  I ever saw he's it!"

207
"I've a mind to knock him
  out of his petticoat!"

208
"Have you seen Donna
 Lucia, my sweet little
      asparagus?"

209
"Ah, Donna Lucia, share
 with me the name
 of Stephen Sylvester
 Sysonsby Salstonstall
     Spettigue!"

210
"I'll have you understand
 I'm no ordinary woman!"

211
"I'm angry because you
 won't give me your
 consent to the girls'
      marrying."

212
"When you give me that
 consent you may tell
 the world that your little
 thistle is going to be Mrs.
    Stephen Spettigue."

213
"The boys are crawling
 around for a soft spot
 to say their prayers."

214
"Not until you say we
     are engaged."

215
"We're engaged - Stevie!"

216
"You're welcome to the
   nut from Brazil."

217
"Give me that letter."

218
"This consent is addressed
 to me! I am Donna Lucia
      d'Alvadorez!"

219
"No wonder you knew
 my husband intimately."

220
"I'm Charley's nut from
 Brazil - where the aunts
       come from."

221
"Oh, Donna Lucia! I told
 her that I loved him --
   right to his face!"

222
"I don't care where you 
 go --- or what you do!"


The END

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