The Cardboard Lover

1
The French Riviera --
Where American tourists
think a Chateau is a
hat....and the Big Casino
is the ten of diamonds.

2
An expedition of American
Co-eds....on a "flapping"
          tour.

3
"Step on it!"

4
"What do you think
 this is...the Five-and-
  Ten Cent Store?"

5
"Oui, Monsieur de
    Segurola."

6
"Was that de Segurola....
  the famous baritone?"

7
"Will you be good enough
 to write in my album,
       Monsieur?"

8
"Who's the handsome
      Romeo?"

9
"That is Monsieur Briault
 ....the famous tennis
         champion."

10
"Who's his girl friend?"

11
"She is Mademoiselle Simone.
 It is rumored they are very
       ....friendly."

12
"I'm going to get his
 autograph....or bust!"

13
"You don't seem to approve
 of Mademoiselle Simone....
     do you, Albine?"

14
"I only regret that Monsieur
 did not choose someone
  more....er....worthy."

15
"You attend to my clothes....
 and I'll take care of my love
          affairs."

16
"Simone....are you ready
    to dine with me?"

17
"Who is singing?"

18
"It is only the phonograph
        you hear."

19
"I am resting, cheri. We
  won't dine until ten."

20
"If Mademoiselle Simone
 telephones....say I am
      in the bath!"

21
"Andre....you are early!"

22
"Oh, Monsieur....we
 didn't expect you
      so soon!"

23
"Now you can have your....
   coughing phonograph!"

24
"Monsieur....I demand
    satisfaction!"

25
"I hope he's satisfied now!"

26
"Whose album have
 you been writing in
       now?"

27
"You've made a fool of
 me for the last time!"

28
"Why are you so anxious
 to have my autograph?"

29
"Because you are so....
      beautiful!"

30
"Some other time,
  Mademoiselle."

31
"To the Casino."

32
"Call me a taxi."

33
"I'm sorry....but we are
   just out of taxis."

34
The Casino --

35
"Park it in the telephone
         booth."

36
"Mademoiselle will please
 present her admission
         card."

37
"Banco!"

38
"BUNKO!"

39
"I don't know what it
 means....but I hope
   it's all right."

40
"Allow me to assist you,
     Mademoiselle."

41
"You lose, Mademoiselle."

42
"Lose what?"

43
"You will please pay
 the money into the
 bank, Mademoiselle."

44
"I didn't know you
 were playing for real
       money."

45
"Perhaps Mademoiselle
 prefers to write a
       check?"

46
"How much do I owe 
       you?"

47
"Fifty thousand francs,
     Mademoiselle."

48
"What made you do this?"

49
"Well....er....I just had to
     get your autograph!"

50
"Rather an expensive 
   way to get it."

51
"If I could only forget
      that woman!"

52
"I'm miserable with
 her....but more
 miserable without
       her!"

53
"Why don't you pretend
 to love someone else?"

54
"But....whom?"

55
"I'll be in love with
         you!"

56
"You owe me fifty thousand
 francs! This will be your
   chance to repay me!"

57
"It will be your duty
 never to leave me
  alone with her!"

58
"No matter what I say
 or do....don't let me
       weaken!"

59
"I'll save you from her....
 even if I have to sock 
    you on the jaw!"

60
"Even if you have to
 sock me on the jaw!"

61
"Andre."

62
"ANDRE!"

63
"I must see you alone,
        cheri!"

64
"Don't give in! Remember
       the sock!"

65
"You are very unfair
   to me, cheri."

66
"Permit me to present
     my fiancée."

67
"How completely you
 must have lost your
    head, Andre!"

68
"Him hasn't lost his
 head! Him's lost his
 heart....hasn't him?"

69
"I'm sorry....but I shall
      be detained."

70
"Drive Mademoiselle to
       her Hotel."

71
"Will you do me a favor?"

72
"Take off your clothes!"

73
"Andre, you must not
   be so jealous."

74
"An urgent long distance
  call for Mademoiselle."

75
"Who was calling
  Mademoiselle?"

76
"I don't like to tell....
 but it was Monsieur
     de Segurola."

77
"When Mademoiselle
 returns, tell her I have
   gone....for good!"

78
"I'll tell her....and how!"

79
"Monsieur left word
 that you could jump
    in the lake!"

80
"And furthermore....
 I hope you drown!"

81
Whatever Sally started
she always finished. She
  was born in Chicago.

82
"Greetings....salutations....
      and salaamings!"

83
"Looks like I'll enjoy
    working here!"

84
"Who shall I say is
 calling on Monsieur?"

85
"There isn't room in this
 house for both of us!"

86
"You may tell Monsieur
 that his latest fiancée
   awaits....without."

87
"Monsieur has an engage-
 ment with Mademoiselle
 Simone....but perhaps you
    could detain him."

88
"Don't worry! He'll be
       detained!"

89
"Nothing like being on the
  job bright and early!"

90
"I appreciate all you've
 done for me....but I
 won't need your
  services any longer."

91
"I hope I have the
 pleasure of seeing
 you again sometime."

92
"Excuse me if I rush off."

93
"I'll get my hat....and
 toddle along with you."

94
"Call her and say I shall
        be there."

95
"Tell her I'm sick
      in bed!"

96
"I told her you were in
 bed with a nurse....but
 she said this was when
 you needed her most!"

97
"Stick out your tongue!"

98
"Now say A-A-Ah!"

99
"Leggo!"

100
"Have you any Castor-
  oil in the house?"

101
"Now for the good old
   American drink!"

102
"I don't need oiling!"

103
"I'm going to get a
      Doctor!"

104
"Quick! Get me out of
 here....before she comes
         back!"

105
"Tell that little pest I've
 gone around the world
   for a few days!"

106
"I thought you'd never
     get dressed."

107
"Let's spend a nice, quiet
 evening at home....and
 play Momma and Poppa."

108
"I'll read to you!"

109
"Once upon a time
 there was a little
     fairy --"

110
"Ah-ah! Pay attention!
   Momma's reading!"

111
"I want to read my
     own book!"

112
"We can't go out until
 you hook up my dress."

113
"You tickled me!"

114
"You're ticklish, too!"

115
"Now will you take
  me to dinner?"

116
"I suppose I'll have to...
 or you'd follow me 
        anyway."

117
"I bet if that vamp walked
 in right now....you'd fall
         for her!"

118
"Let's make sure of it!
 I'll pretend I'm Simone!"

119
"Andre, my love, take
 me into your loving
 arms and crush me....
 crush me....and crush
         me!"

120
"Use a little will power!
 You're supposed to resist
           me!"

121
"You know you can't
 live without me, my
      beloved!"

122
"You are mistaken! I
 can live much better
    without you!"

123
"Away....foul woman!"

124
"See how easy it is
 for me to resist?"

125
"Of course, you're not
 really cured...until you
 want to kiss someone
        else."

126
"That wasn't a kiss....
  that was an insult!"

127
"Shall we practice
    some more?"

128
"Mademoiselle Simone is
     on the wire."

129
"Well....what do you 
        want?"

130
"Andre, do not be cruel
 to me! I love you so
        much!"

131
"We were always so
  happy together!"

132
"Have you forgotten those
 nights in Venice when first
 we met? The music....
    the moonlight?"

133
"I am coming to you,
       Andre!"

134
"I was a cad to have
 encouraged you! I
 love her....and can't
     resist her!"

135
"Gee, it must be
 wonderful to be
 loved like that!"

136
"What a sap you are,
   Sally Baxter!"

137
"If you don't snap out
 of it....I'll be off you
       for life!"

138
"Well....I guess my job
     is finished."

139
"I want to thank you
 for all you've done....
        Sally."

140
"I'll send you back the
 scenery...in the morning."

141
"Andre....my beloved!"

142
"How could you pretend
 to care for someone
        else?"

143
"There is no one else!"

144
"I'm so sorry, darling!
 I didn't know you had
       company!"

145
"Imagine my embarrassment!"

146
"I wouldn't interfere for
   the world, darling!"

147
"You little fool! You've
  got to explain this!"

148
"Tell her that you have
 never been anything to
          me!"

149
"Why, darling....I'd rather
 let her draw her own
     conclusions!"

150
"Tell her the truth!"

151
"Why don't you talk?"

152
"SAY SOMETHING!"

153
"Do you know...we haven't
 had any hot water for
      three days!"

154
"As for you--"

155
"-- you are welcome
      to him!"

156
"You little salaude!"

157
"What did she call
        me?"

158
"What did you call me?"

159
"I don't know what that
 means....but it has all
 the ear-marks of a dirty
         crack!"

160
"You can't stop me
    this time!"

161
"You told me to keep
  you from her --"

162
"- - even if I had to
 sock you on the jaw!"

163
"Call a doctor! Quick!"

164
"I can do nothing more,
 Mademoiselle. You need
 a specialist....for your
         heart."

165
"She's improving....but
 still a trifle delirious."

166
"Andre! Andre! Whither...
  oh whither art thou?"

167
"I'm here, Sally....and
 I'm never going to
     leave you!"

168
"If you do....I'll sock
     you on the jaw!"


The End


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