American Aristocracy

1
 Has America an aristocracy?

 We say yes! And to prove it we take
you to Narraport-by-the-Sea, where we
find some of our finest families whose
patents of nobility are founded on such 
deeds of daring as the canning of soup, 
the floating of soap and the borating of
talcum.

2
 Mrs. Greene-Rivers is one
of the leading spirits of the
alcoholic set.

3
 But the entire colony bows to
Geraldine Hicks, daughter of the
famous Hicks who invented 
"Hicks' Hatpin With The Hump."

GERALDINE  . .  JEWEL CARMEN

4
Not a man in sight.

5
 Mrs. Budhauser, whose
husband has done much to
make Milwaukee famous.

6
 "I beg your pardon, but I'm
Mrs. Budhauser - er - Budhauser
the famous brewer, you know."

7
"Madam, we are distillers."

8
"These climbers are ruining 
        Narraport."

9
 We are now about to meet none
other than the famous Hatpin King
himself.

LEANDER HICKS . CHARLES De LIMA

10
"I've got the name of Hicks in
every magazine in America."

11
"I know, father, but it makes 
        us so common."

12
"Isn't it dull? I'm bored
         to tears."

13
 Mrs. Budhauser sees a corking
opener to break through the bars
of Society.

14
"Oh girls! There's trouble
         brewing!"

15
"It's only war stuff. Why don't
 they dig up some scandal?"

16
 The new porter at the Inn
is a mysterious dark-skinned
foreigner.

17
 Now, Narraport Aristocracy possesses
no interest for Cassius Lee of Virginia,
amateur entomologist,* who has arrived
in these parts on the trail of the migratory
caterpillar.

   * Entomologist - High-brow term for bug-
  hunter.

CASSIUS LEE   .   .   DOUGLAS FAIRBANKS

18
 "I will be so glad to see a
man that I'll kiss the first
one we meet."

19
Cassius in pursuit of the
 migratory caterpillar.

20
Dared by the girls, Geraldine
   makes good her threat.

21
 Cassius hastens to report the
discovery of a rare specimen of
the Melanolestes picipes, of the
order Hemiptera, vulgarly termed
in the dictionary, kissing-bug.

22
 Saturday, the men begin to arrive 
at Narraport, - among them the
Barons of Beans, Starch, Razors,
Pickles, Corn-plasters, Glue, Rubber-
heels, Tooth-paste, Garters and
Chewing-gum.

23
 Chief of these is Percy Peck, the
Malted Milk King, who has come
to inspect his branch factory near
Narraport.

PERCY PECK   .   .   ALBERT PARKER

24
 Cassius, for the first time, is glad
to use his standing as an F. F. V.
to enter Narraport Society.

25
The Saturday night hop.

26
"This is a swell affair, boss,
 you gotta have a invitation."

27
"Whar's yo' invitation?"

28
The proprietor of the Inn.

29
"Er - er - I reckon I ain't got
       no change, boss."

30
"I - er - haven't we met
         before?"

31
"Oh, yes! You are the man
        I kissed."

32
"I'm Cassius Lee, from
    Virginia, sir."

33
 "Do you know who I am?
I'm Hicks, the man who put 
the hump in the hatpin."

34
"My business? Why, our
family never went into trade."

35
 "Young man, this hotel is 
for aristocrats. We ain't got
any time for upstarts."

36
 "You're like all the rest, 
Percy, you never do anything
outside of business."

37
 "Well, for instance - these
filibusters. Why don't you help
capture them?"

38
"What do you know
   about this?"

39
Sunday, a secret conference
 with the mysterious porter.

40
 As a treat, Percy takes
Geraldine to show her the
new malted milk factory.

41
Near the malted milk factory.

42
"Step on it, Percy! What are
      you afraid of?"

43
"The watchman's away. I'll
  go around and get in."

44
"Oh, you're the bug-hunter?"

45
"Climb in and open the door 
         for me."

46
Percy gets an idea how to 
make a hit with Geraldine.

47
"Will you help me play 
        a joke?"

48
 "We're both dressed alike. If you
wore my coat and goggles do you
think you could drive my girl to the 
Inn, and make her believe you're me?"

49
"Show me the girl."

50
"Sure I can."

51
 "Don't look at her, don't 
talk to her, but drive like the 
devil."

52
This is the way Cassius carries 
         out the joke.

53
"I'm wise. Take off your 
        goggles."

54
 Although Geraldine isn't 
deceived, the dark-skinned 
porter is.

55
 Cassius gets news from 
home - and news from home 
is generally bad.

56
"Do you want to pull another
 stunt? I'll pay you well."

57
 "I'll rent that hydroplane
down on the beach. Pretend
to be me, and fly it."

58
Percy invites the Hicks to
     see "him" fly.

59
"Oh, dad! He's really done
    something at last."

60
Cassius hastens to witness the
coming of the conquering hero.

61
And now, even Geraldine
      is fooled.

62
Percy has secret business 
     at the factory.

63
 For the first time Cassius
remembers the mysterious note.

64
 "I see you've double-crossed 
me! You've told her about 
the hydroplane!"

65
"Kind of crowded here,
      isn't it?"

66
Geraldine seeks solitude.

67
"Malted Milk" for Mexico.

68
 "Why, the ship got in the 
day I gave you the note at
the Inn."

69
 Still wondering why there should 
be suspicions about "malted milk
for Mexico," Cassius investigates.

70
"Father, Percy is a traitor!
 He's one of those filibusters!"

71
 "The cur! It shall never be
said that Hicks, the Hatpin King,
failed his country in its hour of
need. Come!"

72
 "Gunpowder! Well, every other 
factory is doing it, but who would
have suspected malted milk!"

73
"You traitorous cur! I'm
 going to tell Uncle Sam!"

74
"No, you're not! You're
   going to Mexico!"

75
Cassius sends word to the 
  Federal authorities.

76
Torpedoboat Destroyer
  No. 36, U. S. N.

77
 And now, having served his
country and saved the Hatpin King 
and his daughter, has Cassius Lee,
F. F. V., earned his way into
American Aristocracy? Again we
say yes! But Geraldine says--

78
 "But I'm afraid father won't
consent. You've never had a
full page 'ad' in a magazine."

79
"Why, what are you doing?"

80
 "Why, you're an inventor yourself!
You've gone dad one better and put
two humps in the hatpin. Your
fortune's made!"


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